Hi there – I’m so happy to have found this group! I feel like I’ve come to my (cyber)home.
My experiences are very similar to a number of the posts that I’ve read here already. Although it’s sad to hear some of the stories, and to hear about the grief this daydreaming can cause, I’m just so relieved to find that I’m not the only one.
I won’t bore you with many details, but as a brief introduction, for the past 20+ years (I’m 31 now), I’ve been developing and living in a very elaborate fantasy world / parallel existence.
I had quite an unhappy and lonely childhood, I was painfully shy and sensitive, had very low self-esteem, no friends and a truly scary, controlling mother, and absent father. I’m absolutely positive sure my fantasizing developed as a response to all this.
Now days, I’m not sure how I feel about this fantasy world. I’ve tried to say good-bye to it many times, but just can’t. I don’t think I’m able to live without it anymore. After 20 years (2/3 of my life!) it is completely a part of me. However, I know it’s not “normal”, and that makes me feel very, very uncomfortable. I know it can affect my ability to function in the real world too.
I feel like my life in the real world is not as important to me as it others’ lives are to them – because I have an alternate reality available to me! I don’t need reality as much. It’s a relief at times, but makes me less accountable – less engaged. I know it’s not good – and it frustrates me sooooo much!
Music is a very big part of my fantasy world too. I can listen to the same song over and over and over as I’m playing out some aspect of my fantasy. What I see on telly, or read also gives my fantasy world lots more fuel.
I’m currently having treatment for depression and anxiety, as well as alcoholism (to a lesser degree). I have no intention of ever mentioning this fantasizing to my psychologist however. I’ve never said a word about it to anyone – even my partner! I don’t know if I ever will. I think it would really hurt people close to me to know that I spend so much time away from them in my thoughts….
As much as I love my fantasy world, and probably need it to a degree (It’s pretty useful sometimes!) it’s also hurting me. I need to reconcile fantasy and reality somehow, but I don’t know how to do that…
Enough for now – it’s so great though to find that I’m not the only one!