Happy New Year from a long time MDD’er / Lurker - Wild Minds network2024-03-28T13:38:41Zhttps://wildminds.ning.com/forum/topics/happy-new-year-from-a-long-time-mdd-er-lurker?feed=yes&xn_auth=noPlease do quit MDD. I've bee…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2020-02-17:4661400:Comment:3496172020-02-17T15:29:24.659ZSilver Swanhttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/SilverSwan51
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<p>Please do quit MDD. I've been doing it for nearly 20 years, and I now wish it never got started. It effected all of my life's decisions and turned me into a recluse. Back then, I loved to do this and I was happy in my dreams, but didn't realize my life will get worse. Everybody could tell I wasn't in the same world as them. I really should've stopped to listen, when I still had a chance. So, I really deserve the consequences. My mom had no clue what I was up to until 12 years after…</p>
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<p>Please do quit MDD. I've been doing it for nearly 20 years, and I now wish it never got started. It effected all of my life's decisions and turned me into a recluse. Back then, I loved to do this and I was happy in my dreams, but didn't realize my life will get worse. Everybody could tell I wasn't in the same world as them. I really should've stopped to listen, when I still had a chance. So, I really deserve the consequences. My mom had no clue what I was up to until 12 years after it began, because I didn't talk much. She was just appalled.</p> So it's Day 2 of my MDD cold…tag:wildminds.ning.com,2020-01-03:4661400:Comment:3477882020-01-03T00:51:19.474ZCalli.Whttps://wildminds.ning.com/profile/CalliW
<p>So it's Day 2 of my MDD cold turkey quit and to say the least, it's been an interesting experience.</p>
<p>First off, it's been very quiet. And without work (have been on XMas break since Dec 24), I have A LOT of time on my hands.</p>
<p>To clarify, my cold turkey approach has been the following:</p>
<ol>
<li>No active fantasizing either in my mind or out loud (including any role playing or physical enactment).</li>
<li>As little talking to myself as possible - if I slip and say something…</li>
</ol>
<p>So it's Day 2 of my MDD cold turkey quit and to say the least, it's been an interesting experience.</p>
<p>First off, it's been very quiet. And without work (have been on XMas break since Dec 24), I have A LOT of time on my hands.</p>
<p>To clarify, my cold turkey approach has been the following:</p>
<ol>
<li>No active fantasizing either in my mind or out loud (including any role playing or physical enactment).</li>
<li>As little talking to myself as possible - if I slip and say something out loud to myself either as commentary or even as if I were in a conversation that's fine, but my aim is to have those conversations in my head only and first.</li>
<li>Avoid as many triggers as possible. Usually with my MDD, I'll set aside time/effort to play music to my episodes (to prepare, I deleted all the music I normally listen to when doing this.). Or I'll hear or read something that triggers an episode or idea for one (now I think of it, for this latter scenario, could be these triggers work b/c I use my MDD to work through my emotional reaction to subjects as opposed to just acknowledging them... interesting).</li>
</ol>
<p>Other things I've observed from Day 1 is that without MDD or talking to myself, I became aware of what actually was going through my mind (a lot of worry and gremlins). I also had to spend more hours out of bed b/c if I'm not sleeping, I would normally be engaged in a MDD episode.</p>
<p>In an effort to not become bored and not feed the gremlins, I did some reading. Then I worked on my annual personal plan. Then called my Dad and made food. I also Web surfed, sang songs and watched YouTube (don't have cable anymore). None of these things are unusual or things I wouldn't do in any event. But they grew in significance b/c I was mainly doing them to avoid getting sucked into another MDD episode.</p>
<p>It's like I turned off white noise. The vacuum in its absence is scary. I'm going to need to get used to this type of quiet somehow.</p>
<p>Getting ready in the shower today, normally I'd be in an episode, usually continued from waking. Instead, realizing I didn't want to do that today and having forgotten to bring in my phone to play a YouTube vid of singing exercises (I started doing that a couple of months back to improve my vocal strength), I compelled myself to do some of the singing exercises and practicing a song on my own. It was kind of cool to do to hear how well my voice has developed.</p>
<p>While out on an errand, as usual, I wore earphones with which I listen to podcasts, music, or if I don't feel like either, talk to myself like I was on the phone with someone (with the plethora of people wearing Bluetooth ear pieces now, it's super easy for someone like me to hide that I talk to myself from others).</p>
<p>Today, I only listened to podcasts, in keeping with #2 above.</p>
<p>I'm not sure if I see this as success or not. I guess yes, b/c it's consistent with the rules I've set for my cold turkey. But it's also forced me to look at some of what I use MDD and talking to myself for. I spend a lot of time alone where I don't interact or talk to anyone. Before my quit, I'd actually spent 5 days straight, locked in my apartment, in my pjs, not going outside or talking to anyone, except for the occasional text.</p>
<p>Seems I lean on MDD a lot to alleviate my boredom or loneliness. Looking at my regular schedule starting next week, except for an open mic event I agreed to attend Monday evening, there's little else going on aside from work everyday.</p>
<p>It's a good revelation for me. I need to make a better effort to be out and around others other than through work.</p>