One thing I've learnt about MD is the way it can shutdown your ability to feel and process your real emotions. Often I have been told that I have a "poker face" and that it is difficult to sense the emotion in what I am saying when speaking to others. Having had a therapy session today, it was made clear that there is a complete disconnect with how I feel... I often cannot name the emotion I am feeling at any given moment. I actually attribute this to daydreaming for so long, since my early teens. It seems like seeking an emotional experience in my head often means that I think my feelings rather than feel them. Before daydreaming became compulsive, the scenarios I would create would be emotionally intense, and usually positive. When it became an addiction, I found that in order to feel most things I had to create a scenario in my head to produce the emotion I wanted to feel, like thinking about someone dying to feel sad. Which is strange because I witnessed a family member pass earlier this year, although I felt the initial shock, there was such a strange feeling of distance and I was also partially in a daydream at the time - imagining the whole thing was being watched and commented on by various people. I realise that ultimately MD has left my mind and body out of whack, feeling super anxious but otherwise very vacant and unsure of what I am feeling. 

Just offloading my thoughts, but also wondering if anyone has experienced the same and if you have learnt how to be more in tune with your feelings, how did you?

L.solace :)

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i also feel like this!
i had the same experience, i daydream about violence, sadness, happiness, funny things and i laugh a lot. all of those emotions i dont feel in my real life, not deeply. I'm a very passive person in real life, almost numb.
And i also feel like people dont really know me and i dont really know people around me at all..

I think we are very hungry of emotions.

And the more we crave for them, the more we need to daydream them, and nothing in the real world compares to them.

Maybe it's like eating everyday super-sugary food, and not being able to appreciate more delicate flavours.

On one side, detoxing ourselves from all that mind-sugar can help.

On the other side, I think we need also to live and experience some of those strong emotions (legally and safely of course): Falling in love, travelling, doing something completely out of our routine!


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