I'm just done with reality. It can't offer me a damn thing anymore that could possibly make me happy. Sure I have "friends", sure I have a boyfriend, but in the end it's still a terrible world. Sure I do have friends, but most of the time they just spend time with me until they can find someone better/more interesting to spend time with (save for people like my very best friend and people like Cordellia). My boyfriend, I can't even imagine why he's with someone like me, who constantly had his head in the clouds. I can't understand how other people can be happy in this horribly limited world of ours. I've spent the better part of the last 2 years constantly intoxicated because it was the only way I could get close the wonderful free world of my fantasies. But now even those are fading, my depression has worsened over the past year and now I'm losing the ability to even daydream. I always have short bursts of daydreaming then nothing these days. Call me crazy, but I prefer it when I was always off in a different fantasy world and didn't have to turn my attention to the normal world. For me reality is loneliness, people here want nothing to do with me and go out of their way to avoid me. In my daydreams I can be myself,  I'm with people who actually give me a little bit of respect and I'm actually a decent and worthy person. Out here I'm just a quiet loser who will never be able to achieve anything because he can't succeed in this kind of world. Call me immature, but I go to bed hoping every night that I'll either dream forever or wake up in that wonderful fantasy world I envision. If I was given the choice between this world and a dream world, hell yeah I would choose the dream!

I guess this was more of a rant. In the end I don't know how much more I can take of this world. I just can't be happy in it no matter what I do.

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I'm very sorry for you. Please go tell someone (an adult, someone you trust, maybe a teacher, someone in school...) all of these thoughts, and find professional help together. Life is great, but sometimes you need others (professionals) to make you see that.

I feel the exact same way, I would rather live in my dream world than in the real world. If Morpheus from the Matrix ask which pill to choose, you and I would be amongst the people who choose the blue pill over the red pill.

Hey Drake. I'm right there with you. I find very little enjoyment in this world and it seems so dull and colourless compared to the things I can conjure up in my head. I've daydreamed all my life and so I've never really learned how to cope with or accept the "real" world for what it is. I have a few close friends and a boyfriend but my feelings for them are very watered down and I find it hard to enjoy their company. Sometimes I find it hard to feel anything at all for my boyfriend. I also have psychosis which causes me to have hallucinations and so it's very hard to exist completely in reality. I think having them around makes me want to retreat further into my internal world which doesn't really help. I have very little interest in being here so I completely understand where you are coming from.

I'm a completely normal person on the outside. Actually last year I had plenty of friends who cared about me and a pretty active social life, but nowadays in my living situation I'm around people who are a lot different from me, so we don't get along as well. How do you guys do it? How can you stand to wake up in the morning knowing that your dreams will never be reality? It's a crushingly depressing fact for me.

Please wake up. The real word is waiting for you. Turn it the other way. Look at yourself from outside. If you close yourself in a dream word you will not be the only looser.  All the other people that just need you to be there for them, to be youself, will loose too.

Stop playing this stupid role as the guy nobody can ever like. It is not the real you. The real you is in your dream come out.

Sorry I am very direct, I must add it is the kind of things I need to tell myselv every day.


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