Where wild minds come to rest
I wake up feeling 'wrong' at what I started since (1998). I realize that my life could have looked so much better, but wasn't aware of this at 12. It seemed like a jolly-fun mental hobby that made me feel happy.
I lived a very sheltered life in a suburban hometown that was *crickets.* So I had no idea about the real world, especially in the big city. At that age, I never understood that by 18 I should be on my own, have to gear myself towards independence—have to be professional. I just let myself sync into the a fictional life, rather than pay close attention to my real life. Now looking back at 18-20 years of whoops-daisy, I sit with a reminder of something contagious that not only effected my path in life, but also human relationships. Still, I wonder if it's too late to rebuild a reality what I neglected.
Yes I regret that. Maybe my life would have been very different without MD. Every day I wake up with a motivation to stop Dding. It eatsup 70% of time everyday. Every second I feel the guilt of having an addiction. Now I can nomore concentrate on my studies and complete my work. I really struggle hard like everyone does and now I am atleast able to control it sometimes but it always lasts for 4-5 days.
I think I would have had a nervous breakdown if I didn't have MD. So in that way, no i don't regret it. It does interfere with my life at time...it can be sooo frustrating. I've gotten much better as I've gotten older. But it's a part of my life's journey and I can accept that now. No longer embarrassed.