Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

My whole life I have been a very quiet person who just blends in with the crowd and accompanies others while they interact with each other. Almost like accompanying people at a table while they play a game of cards but refusing to participate and only stare off into space or accompanying others at a swimming pool and only standing by the pool side while they interact in the swimming pool and have fun. This creates a feeling of being on the outside looking in and feeling left out and lonely watching others express themselves. I pace alot. The pacing intensifies to music and movies and sometimes even into a gallop. Especially when I have a feeling of complete privacy. Over the years I have adapted to this as being considered normal. People have brought to my attention over the years about my disposition and personality being a little off. And also my listening skills. I thought it was separate problems. I finally seeked help and thought maybe it was ADD and social anxiety. My therapist never heard of maladaptive daydreaming before in all his years of study. I described the pacing and when I actually dig deep notice the emotion is not an emotion of stress, anxiety, panic attack, or nervousness when people think of pacing. It is a feeling of pleasure of self-expression. I feel like when I'm around society and groups of people I am Clark Kent who disguises himself who he really is and keep secrets and I temporarily excuse myself into other room to burst into Superman. I'm compelled to disguising myself and being secretive about my feelings. Can anyone relate to this feeling? And does anybody have any techniques they use to overcome MD?

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I remember you saying that you prefer fiction over non-fiction. I think I'm the opposite. Mine are over real life icon celebrities. Most of them long gone. Who they were in the real world. I envy and obsess traits of theirs that i never had. Perhaps yours are more complex being that they are more fictional. Mine don't involve fictional settings and surroundings. I guess it's just like going to the bookstore and being more interested in nonfiction genre. I dont know how to compare to others how much I disconnect or fantasize when I pace. Right now it's been difficult for me to understand that I "rigged something up" to make due. Most people get their daily dosage of emotional pleasure from using their words and interacting with each other. I have rigged something up ever since kindergarten and have coped with it and now I am just detecting that I rigged something up and it's difficult to acknolwedge.
Yes I do daydream as I pace and it does give me comfort. I'm experiencing emotional pleasure. I suppose most people get their daily dosage of this feeling by using their words and interacting with each other. Self expression. I notice when they interact with each other it causes body movements such as gesturing and facial expressions.

I began daydreaming when I was 8 and I am currently 16. What you described was the same case with me when I was about 12. I had a group of friends throughout elementery school but at some point I became known to just stand on the side or pace around the friend circle. 

I do not experience that anymore. I now have the ability to act completely normal in social situations.  It became this way when I started to have a fulfilling social life with friends that I like and like me back.

It may be easier said than done, but I recomend finding people you feel truly happy and comfortable around. I know you have social anxiety, so did I, but you have to go little by little and take social risks to get over Social anxiety and make friends.

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