Marcy:<\/p>\n
Thank you so much for your insight. It makes sense that self esteem is one of the main root causes. \u00a0I am just grappling here trying to figure things out, but from what I can piece together in my son's situation and overlapping commonalities with others, it seems that there is some underlying anxiety and emotional sensitivities (I would consider him a highly sensitive and compassionate boy). \u00a0Then there is also this element of a compulsion to do it that reminds me a little bit of OCD. There is this incredible lure in the escapism that this provides and a really gratifying short cut to bypassing negative emotions because he can propel himself into this alternate world and feel great without doing\"the work\" required to make him feel good in \"reality\". \u00a0Another commonality is this really vivid imagination and this uncanny ability to get into this realm through the repetitive motion (pacing, galloping, etc).<\/p>\n
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I also think a root cause of this is feeling disconnected, lonely, or like an outsider. \u00a0Do you find that you do it less when you engage more with friends, family, or activities? Or is it always there?<\/p>\n
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Thanks,<\/p>\n
Martha Hello. I'm sorry about your son's situation. I think it's very admirable that you're aware that something is wrong and are reaching out. In my experience, there's really has been no way to control or manage it, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself I was in control. The past year of warring with MD has made me realize that I can either let it run my life and behavior or I can try to overcome it, but finding a balance is simply not happening. I am a late teenager and still MDing, so I'm just going to share my experience and reflections, as well as suggestions based on those two.<\/p>\n I know you can't simply make him stop daydreaming, he himself probably can't either even if he willingly tried. When I was his age (and I was very similar to him, telling by the way you described him) not only was I bored without my daydreaming, but I was almost apathetic and disdainful towards reality, even though externally it appeared I had no reason to be. I remember when I was nine, I randomly decided to temporarily stop imagining an alternate world to actually acknowledge reality, and I remember ending up crying nonstop for the entire day. Now I realize that I didn\u2019t despise reality because I hated school or because my daydreams were simply more interesting than real life, it was because I didn\u2019t like myself. So in my daydreams I concocted versions of myself that I did like, that other people respected, a self that had the confidence to control the situation.<\/p>\n I said all this to show that it\u2019s not just boredom that causes MD, even in young kids, it probably runs a little deeper. And causes are probably unique for everybody with MD. In my view, one has to have some degree of low self-esteem in order to become so easily obsessed with daydreaming about having power or living vicariously through book and video game characters, because that\u2019s exactly why I did at that age. I hope I\u2019m not overstepping by suggesting this, I just don\u2019t want another kid ending up spending his\/her teen years mentally and emotionally split and oblivious like I pretty much did, despite being surrounded by love and opportunities.<\/p>\n The practical suggestions I\u2019m making are, while I don\u2019t think he has to necessarily like reality yet, maybe at least get him like himself<\/em>, if self-esteem really is the issue and cause. And maybe start to work on him learning to deal with embarrassment, if you haven't already. Or perhaps seek advice about self-esteem and dealing with embarrassment and other triggers from the social worker or another professional, I don't think he necessarily has to reveal or stop his daydreaming for that. Knowing this, maybe just maybe he'll be more willing to give the counseling a shot? I hope I'm making sense.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote><\/div><\/div>\n <\/dd>\n