my story. I have NEVER told anyone!

I am in my head about 95% of the time. I sometimes even dream as my character.

Ok. Here is the gist: I am not me. I am this character named Katie. (feels so WEIRD to talk about her!)She is older than me. She is French. She used to be part of triplets, but I ditched that sometime when I was 10. She has the same family as me. She is a world famous singer/actress. She is a legend in the entertainment industry. She is awesome and clever and beautiful. She  breaks records all over. She was married to a superstar legend comic, (he's a real guy), but they divorced. Now she is married to another famous actor. And this actor is madly in love with her. They are the perfect couple. Now as fabulous as she is, there are many similarities to me. She has the same kids I do. Her parents are the same, so are her siblings. So are her problems. Here is the other thing, she has MDD too!! So it's like a mirror facing a mirror! You see just infinite reflections.

I have thought about killing her, but the thought has made me feel I would die too. I have lived in this world for so long, I can't fathom breaking free. And the thought gives me anxiety. I love this world so much I don't want to leave but I am not really present in this world. I don't know what to do.

I thought I had schizophrenia, but when I heard about this, I was relieved!

I had a traumatic childhood. I was mentally and emotionally abused by my mother and abandoned by my father. I guess that is where it started. Also, I was able to work out problems with this character by discussing it with other characters I created in my world. I have plenty of other people I created! In fact, I am better friends with those people than in real life! (how sad is that??) But I don't really want to change it.

Very confusing. Anyway. Does anyone relate to this insanity???

Thanks

Tami

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A lot of us can relate to this. Almost everyone has another version of themself in their head, that is like you but better and we all prefer to be that person than ourself. The characters we make, are better friends than anyone we've ever met. That is not neccessairly a sad thing, they can be like our children. We all know more places and people in our head than we do in reality and we have been in our head so long that the real world can look weird, unlogic and unsettling. Not many want it to stop, even though they know it's bad and they want to be more present in reality. For a lot of us it started as a way out, a way to flee from your problems.
I, I'm not one, I am many. I'm an army of creatores and creatures and my head is where I live,

It's not complete insanity, don't think bad about yourself just because of MDD. You're not alone.

I can totally relate!

My daydream alterego also has a lot in common with me. Well, she basically IS me, because I see everything in my daydream through her eyes. I can control her all the time but I only sometimes control the other characters. It's almost like the daydream is a video game and she's my avatar.

My character looks just like me, has the same name as me, has a personality that's somewhat like mine, lives in the same neighborhood in the same town that I do, and has the same parents as me. She also has MD, but I haven't been able to think of anything for her to daydream about, LOL. There are some big differences, though. She has siblings and a large extended family (I don't), lives in a huge mansion (I don't), and (most importantly) is not human. She's part of a species of humanoid aliens and has superpowers (and also weaknesses) that humans don't.
P.S.: My imaginary peeps are also better friends to me than my real friends are.

I can definitely relate. There was a multi-year chunk of my life where my closest friends were daydream figures. I know it was a coping mechanism, but I'm really grateful that it was available to me when I needed it. I'm lucky in that I'm on the lighter end of the MDD spectrum, so for me it's not an all-the-time thing.

Killing Katie off seems so extreme. It sounds really damaging and painful. Instead, maybe you can focus on spending a little less time with/as her. Starting with a *very* little less time.

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