Intro and Question about merging my fantasy with reality...

[Amber W.]

Hi there.  I'm Amber and am a mid-30's Mom.   Speaking about this at all is awkward because I don't think I've ever told anyone about this ever.  I'm actually quite sure I haven't. Imagine my surprise when I got the idea to google daydreaming and I came across a site about MD which in turn lead to this site. 

I fit the description of MD quite well.  I remember doing it as a child and its never really stopped.  I am an only child and as a kid I used to pretend to be a teacher or whatever to entertain myself.  As a kid I get it, its imagination and keeping yourself occupied.  I was a little surprised how its never really stopped. 

Its not constant but I do feel like I do it more than what I should.  In my daydreams I'm my ideal self...I'm at my perfect weight, I can do things that I can't (dance, sing, be very confident in public). 

I have issues with social anxiety.  I'm not a hermit and I get go out and grocery shop, do errands, etc.  Where I have problems is when I have to be closer with people.  I've always lamented that its hard for me to have fun.  I get anxious when I have a party to go to or someplace fun to go.  I am ok once I'm there but usually it takes a xanax, which I have a low dose of and only take when needed, to get me to relax first.  I used to just deal with it..lots of breathing, lamenting, sick stomach and xanax does help with that some.  I can remember being like that as a child also.  I was better for a while in my 20's but now that I'm in my 30's and unhappy with my weight my social anxiety seems worse.  The reason I mention the anxiety is I don't know if they go hand in hand or not.  I don't know if I'm more apt to be MD because of the anxiety...a form of escapism.  I do not confuse reality with fantasy.  I rarely every daydream when I'm out doing things.

The only time I can markedly remember not daydreaming was when I was pregnant.  The only reason I can think of that is maybe its because my mind was so occupied during that time.  I was happier with myself.  Pregnant I wouldn't be doing the things I normally fantasize about.

As for present day I do still daydream..usually I allow myself to when I go to sleep which is quite handy actually.  I don't see it as a disorder but I would like more control when I do it other times.  Music is absolutely a trigger for me.  I can see over the years where its been a tool for procrastination or its caused it.  I think if I did it less during the day, or in general, I could be a happier person.  I want to be more present for everything.  I don't just want to daydream anymore I want to be the person I see in the daydreams.  I think I would be less absentminded/forgetful if I curtailed this.  I've realized having a to-do list helps with that.

Does anyone have any luck with using daydreaming as a tool or a springboard to become more like their idealized self?  I know I'll never be a performer and I don't see myself as an athlete in reality.  I'm ok with that.  What I would like is me to be able to take on the "being comfortable in public/going out with friends" my ideal self has...and living a fitter lifestyle/better body that I imagine.  I am working towards that an have been for some time.

If I could just get myself to the place of how I felt mentally when I was pregnant..where I rarely daydreamed.. I was much happier with myself.

I was just looking for some additional thoughts on any of this.  Thanks for having this forum so we can share... Who would have thought!

[Libby]

It's strange, I didn't suffer from MD when I was pregnant either. I'm wondering if it was something with our body chemistry. My DDs will never be realized because they are rather ridiculous and absolutely unrealistic. However, when my brain gives in and I'm virtually pretending I'm my character I probably walk with more confidence and so, in that way, it is a useful tool. Shallow and completely fake, but useful I suppose.

[Sauna]

Hello,

I am new to this idea of seeing daydreaming as an addiction. I still think that if one can control it, it can be a world-saving, amazing thing. Though I don't control mine at the time, it's controlling me which is sad.

Anyway, I have the same experience as you that when I was pregnant, I was living my life fully and did not daydream but realised my dreams. I felt happy and was more social - I also have social fears and issues that I don't actually know why they are sometimes "off" and sometimes "on", just that the worst symptoms dissapeared after having therapy. Pregnancy is hormones and instincts, but for me, I thought there was a chance I die giving birth (just because it is theoretically possible) so I had to make the most of every day.

Conserning merging fantasy with reality, I could pay a lot (or take a big loan) if there was a simple way to know how and just do it. I do have one area, which is ok at the moment and that is being fit and expressing my inner feelings through dance. This is because I have often daydreamed and danced - this is a bit difficult to write because it is somehow shameful - and because I have actually worked and taken classes to be able to express with certain techniques. I have been lucky enough to have a good teacher and due to problems in other areas of life, dancing is a release channel. So I would say it is an area where I have, at least partly, become the person I want to be and can be. The key words are, that I did not stop dreaming about it totally, I had the possibility to use time for it, and I took the shame that came with first not being able to, and just tried and repeated things even if I was very far from goals. I wish I could do the same in everything, but so far, I can't, I'm mainly not succeeding.

But best wishes for realising your dreams!

[Kirsty Amhert]

I've done a lot of things that relate to being like my idealized self.  I think it is actually what pushed me into working for most of my accomplishments. 

[greyartist]

welcome Amber, I can relate to allot of what you said. Daydreaming has not helped me become more like my idealized self, if anything it has caused me to withdraw more. Like you I do errands, work etc but avoid personal contact. I have always heard that visualizing yourself as the way you want to be helps you make it happen but maybe thats different from MD, I mean it has not worked that way for me.