Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

In high school, I had trouble fitting in and making friends, but could have succeeded if I had gotten out of my head. I look back at those little years and reflect on how crazy I actually was. Being a teenager, I was too young to realize that Maladaptive Daydreaming is wrong and it will put a significant effect on everything that goes on in my life. Rather I found MDD all fun and radical, making me laugh a lot, because my day dreams were consisted of comedy and exciting journeys.
I remember loitering in a nearly empty hallway, pacing back and forth, staring at the floor, while waiting for class to begin.
The music from 1960's American make, The Time Machine was booming so loudly in my head! I was so enthralled in this music that I allowed it to play in my head for hours at end. Other times, I would sit in class and think of Star Trek, where I'd image what I'd be doing as a lieutenant on board. I would make faces or chuckle...students would turn their heads and comment on my strange 'laughing' smile and how my eyes roll about around in my head or stare right up at the ceiling. Students would be bothered by how I stare intently on certain young people sitting down (only by accident).
I never realized that I was staring at someone while doing MDD. Students have even tried to be my friend and set me on dates, but I was so silent in my mental absence, they found me too boring and frustrated to deal with altogether. So, they sneered and snorted away to their own affairs leaving me to sit there looking all stupid and awkward.

Reflecting on those six years, I wish that I pulled out of myself and opened my eyes to what was really going on around me.
All of my former peers are now in their 30's and have moved away ages ago. I just take forwards these lessons and try my hardest not to do this again.

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Comment by Whitney on June 15, 2017 at 4:49pm

Same. I preferred the company of my DD characters to real people throughout my life. I never thought there was something wrong with me or of the consequence of alienating myself from others. I just thought that sooner or later I'd get over it and start having the perfect real life that I envisioned in my DDs, only with more realistic flaws.

I started having trouble making friends in middle school when I didn't know anybody, was having trouble at home, and slowly began retreating within myself more and more each year. As I grew older, I found it harder to talk with people and my interactions became less and less. I didn't understand why and thought I was antisocial, or it was depression/anxiety.

I realize now that part of the reason I couldn't connect with others, felt that I didn't fit in or had anything to say is because of my lack of interaction and life experiences. In DDs, you dictate everything and everyone. It's a play where you know everyone's lines and control it all. Life isn't like that. I eventually lost the few friendships I was able to form throughout the years because I felt like it was such a burden to keep up with them and seem them, while the people in my DDs where perfect, could be manipulated to my hearts desire, and just a blink away.

I didn't realize the damage till now. I always thought, "my life will begin next year"," and then DD what it would be life rather than working towards it and figuring who I am, what I really want, and etc. In a way, DDing caused me to have unrealistic expectations of myself and life - causing me to make bad decisions. But in the other hand, it made it me optimistic, motivated, and desire the feelings and life I lived through my characters.

I guess that's why it became MDD for me- because at some point I stopped trying since DDing was so much easier and no matter what there was always a happy ending.

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