When Dreams...Come True?

[Mira]

I have such terrible self-esteem and have spent so much time in my life daydreaming myself as confident and talented, that there have been more than a few instances where I try to do something and it's not nearly as easy as I dreamed it to be (because of course, in reality, I don't know enough about it). That gives me an overall impression of myself as clumsy and untalented.

But am I? Or am I just impatient?

I have a ukulele and I love it, but I've never put enough time and effort into learning the damn thing (and I'm also very self-conscious about people hearing me practice) that in the few years I've had it, I've hardly learned more than the basics.

One night, I was home alone (which rarely happens) and for whatever reason (I might have been attempting to avoid some form of work) I was suddenly compelled to pick it up. I started surfing chordie.com and picked a few easy tunes to practice, and I came upon a song that I knew well and had daydreamed myself playing many times. I had always assumed it was too complicated for me, but I saw that I knew all of the chords, so I gave it a shot.

Within a couple of hours, though I certainly hadn't mastered it, I had a handle on it. I was flabbergasted with myself. Me being me, I haven't gone back to it since (this was a few weeks ago), but I still think back and go- really? How the eff did that happen??...And will it ever happen again?

***

Back in August but some fluke, I got to do a poetry reading. A full one (20 minutes). For the first time. Of my own work. I said yes, but was terrified and convinced I would throw up all over the lectern with anxiety. I spent the week barely sleeping, and constantly arranging and re-arranging my line-up, my scripted patter, reminding myself of reading tips people had given me, etc. I hadn't read in front of an audience in years, and thought for sure I'd screw it up. But I must say, I had very little time for fantasy that week, and most of my powers of visualization went towards desperately envisioning myself reading in front of an audience without losing it.

And I did great. I was nervous as all hell, but my practicing paid off. Nobody's more surprised than me about that...

***

Stuff like that does NOT happen to me very often. As a person who's entire day can be made on the tiniest compliment, stuff like that is mind-blowing to me. I have nightmarish memories of highschool and university where I completely screwed up oral presentations because I was so nervous I refused to even think about them in advance, and daydreamed instead. Vaguely.

I've started to learn that there are things that I HAVE to practice, which other people might have no problem doing naturally. It's harder for me to concentrate on things, and when it comes to stuff like speaking in front of people...practice may not make perfect, but it certainly does help.

I mean hell, I'm about to turn 30. I'm desperately trying to address these things in my life, and at the same time accept them and understand them. 

 

Sorry, this post turned out kinda long. :/

[Skylar Grey]

Glad to hear things worked out for you. It goes to show that when you apply yourself and have confidence you can accomplish unbelievable things <3