Where wild minds come to rest
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I have recently made myself (mostly) get over the guy I had a crush on since Fall 2011. Ever since, I have definitely daydreamed less (now it's mostly just when I listen to music or am falling asleep).
Without daydreaming so much and having these intense feelings of attachment, I find myself feeling somewhat empty and constantly worrying about my real-life problems. I guess this is what I've been hiding from with my daydreams/obsessions.
I find myself wondering how I'll ever become one of those interesting people who have passions, strong connections and a place in the universe defined by themselves. I guess I just see myself as being so far off from that. I feel unfinished. I'm so sheltered and naiive for my years, I probably have the street-smarts and overall social experience of a suburban 15 year old (I'm 21).
Now I finally realize I have to find a place in life. Make strong connections with others and build and develop new interests and abilities to become a more solid person. I sometimes worry that people won't like me if I don't have a strong, passionate personality and interesting life history to speak of.
I also worry because I am almost finished university (only 2-3 months left until I graduate) and then I have to go back to living in my mom's apartment in a smallish town for at least until September 2014 (hopefully no longer than that but it's always possible..). I feel like I've wasted so much of my youth already that one more year is just too much.
I don't know what I'll do. I'm trying to formulate a plan for next year to come out of my shell and do things in my mom's town such as join exercise clubs and work somewhere with other people close to my age if I can find a job. I don't know how effective that is in a small town as everyone else seems to be under 18 or over 30 with kids. Otherwise I could spend days reading at the library or bring my laptop to Starbucks as that seems better than lazing around at my mom's house...
Interests-wise I try to get into things but I never really feel a strong enough pull or passion to continue doing them in the long-term (Except for listening to music). I read much more over the Christmas holidays which was effective so I should do that more often. I could potentially hone my piano skills and buy new sheet music if I can find it in the town. Overall I'd like to do things that expand my wisdom and make me a more interesting person, reading and watching things seems to be good for that if you do it consistently.
I don't really know what I'm getting at with this post, I guess I'd like to here if anyone has any suggestions on becoming a better person and finding a place in the world, I'm sure some of you are better at this than I am.