Trying hard to care when people make certain noises........

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

First of all, to those who don't know, I have REALLY bad misophonia, which is extreme hatred of certain sounds.  There are some sounds that are so horrific to me that I'll pound on my ears and cry just to try and drown them out.  They're so bad, and I get so angry and horrified.  I've often wondered if it wouldn't be better just to be deaf and never hear anything rather than hear those sounds ever again.  The more frustrated I get, the more sensitive I am to the sound, so it just snowballs.  

 

Nowadays it seems everyone not only smacks when they eat, they do it when they talk.  I try to relax and watch tv, but people start smacking so much, so my ears get sore, and I have to stop.  Since I have so much trouble focusing to read, I really need a break where I don't have to think.  TV is a good way for me to relax, especially if I can knit.............but I can't if people are just going to smack.  There are some shows I avoid all together because I know people on them won't quit smacking.  I can't use earphones or ear plugs because I get dizzy when I'm that disconnected from my environment.  It doesn't help if I'm just going to feel sick.

 

Monday nights I have a 4h class, and the prof smacks HORRIBLY.  She does it every single time she opens her mouth, even multiple times between words.  It's like listening to someone eat sloppily when they talk.  It's horrible.  I already can't focus much when I read and feel lethargic and disconnected.  That's pretty much how I live.  Having her smack so much just makes me angry and frustrated.  I discretely press on my ears during class, so after a couple of hours they're really sore.  I'm finding it really hard to care about the class or the work.  All I want to do is scream and run out of there.  It just makes me so angry.  I don't know how people don't hear this or care.  It seems like basic manners to be able to talk without making such horrifying noises.  I don't get it.  I want it to stop.  We have work to do, but I do the minimum.  It takes so much energy just to sit still and not scream at her to shut up.  It certainly doesn't make me want to engage in conversation about symbolism, which I don't even really care about in the first place.  I want this class to be over.  

 

I am not looking for help or praise on this post.  I am just venting because I've had a crappy evening.  If someone tries to post tips or praise, I'll just get more frustrated.  This is just a venting post.