Tip of the Iceburg with my alleged MDD

[Double Toker]

This is just a little bit about me, besides probably having MDD, I have been diagnosed with schitzophrena, bipolar and mania. I have the problem of day dreaming all the time. I usually pace around, although I don't usually listen to music. I go on auto pilot all the time, when I'm driving or doing stuff I've done before and requires little to no thought. I usually snap out of my day dreams when I done with the task, or in the case of driving when I come to a point I need to stop, like red lights and stop signs. I find myself also repeating a lot of the same phrases to myself at certian points in my day dreaming, like saying "and then", "when I". "I did", "I am", there are way to many to post here. Also while in these day dreams I seem to feel all the emotions of what I'm dreaming about, good or bad. I mainly dream about success. I have a feeling that it's one of the main problems in my life, because I'm a programmer and instead of completing something to feel the success of it. I can just day dream and feel it now, with out completing it. It's pretty bad, that I have almost nothing to show for all the work I usually do because I day dream however, because of this, it has probably made me a better programmer. I'm able to work out the biggest and hardest problems of the programs I do take on, just putting on the finishing touches, the easy stuff seems to be the biggest challenge to me. Also, I'm able to see the code and machine in my head and work through pretty complex stuff. I also can see, taste and smell things while day dreaming, but it's in my head, hard to explain how I see cause I don't feel like it's visual but it is to some degree. Also, this is pretty unusual but doing most tasks I find it hard to even spend 1 hour staying concentrated on it. how ever I can have 1 day dream that last 4-5 hours, and can often break in certian points and come back to where I left off. I have recently started to try lucid dreaming, and when I do while asleep find out at certian points that it's a dream, I seem to get to excited or something, to stay asleep and play around a while. I seem to always have vivid dreams at night too. I haven't really told people about this, but they all know that something is going on, when I day dream, I guess I get this blank look on my face and my wife usually says stuff like you're going physco and do we need to baker act you again. I also seem to humor myself a lot while day dreaming and visualize tons of humorous things that make my laugh and people probably think I'm really crazy. I have been given medicine for schitzophrena and while taking it, I noticed that I couldn't day dream or anything, I was feeling like I was starting to go crazy, and started to hear stuff, but I don't think what the normal ones do, stuff like disconnected old telephones ring and quite a bit of other odd things. also when I stopped day dreaming it seemed as if I couldn't think at all and I was only existing, it was a horrible experience, and seemed that all I could think of was death. I removed myself off the medication and have been pretty normal by my standards I guess. I'm sorry if this isn't really formatted and a hard read, as you can probably tell that my thoughts seem to jump around a lot. I have been wondering about day dreaming all the time and have hit a few post over the last couple years, I'm glad this site was started and I just found it. I was for the longest time, thinking that I was alone pretty much except for some of the posts found on some other sites.

[Pascale]

You ask if programming makes you DD. I believe the same ability makes you  good at programming and at daydreaming. I thing I have the same type of brain that you. I visualize the solution before I can understand and it make it difficult to explain. 

Its interesting to read about your experience with schizophrenia medicine because I tried some schizophrenia medicine after telling to a therapist about my DD coming out of control. Taking them stop me daydreaming. But then my feeling were totally out of control.  I just get upset and angry for nothing. I tell my therapist  and he said I had to take more medicine. I said I did not want to, i stop with the medicine and i stop with him. 

Later on I find that I was using my DD to deal with some feeling I did not allowed myself to feel. As an example, my husband was unfair with me and instead of confronting him I just confront a character who did some terrible thing to me in my daydream. 

Reading your history I just wonder if you really have all the diagnostic you said or if it is only something they find because they could not put a name on it.   

I think just too much logic and not enough place to spontaneous feeling and acting. Its just like the feelings that does not find they way out of your mind so they produce DD where they can have a meaning. Schizophrenia medicine stop this process and make you crazy because your feeling has no place to go. Does it make any sens for you?

[Double Toker]

I currently do a bunch of different stuff programming. I know over 30+ programming languages with scripting and web languages built in. I like AI also, really it's just an illusion. Programming might be what made me day dream all the time. When I was 6 or 7 years old. My mom was going to college for accounting, back then they had all the code to programs in a book for the language called BASIC. She would spend some time transferring from the book to the computer the code that she wanted for her accounting programs. The books actually had way more then just accounting software, stuff like games, math, text editors, word processors, and much more. One day she showed me this simple program, it scrolled these curse words across the screen, anyway from then I was hooked, it was just 2 lines to accomplish this. I have spent most of my time in doors programming and thinking about programming. Now I'm 31, back when I was little it started with day dreaming about what I could make, and soon I started to see and work out problems in my head, in sort of a trance or day dream. I constantly day dream about programming, life and fantasy adventures. I find it very hard to stop this. About 15 years ago or so, it went from just day dreaming to actually seeing code in my head and being able to reverse stuff in my head, which would probably be related to a musician hearing music and being able to write down all the notes. I might not know exactly how they did it, but I can tell you a way it could be done. I personally think that it's cool that you want to program and I hope you do. However I hope you're not like me and can actually complete the stuff you start. Also, with that it might one reason I seem to come across as such a dick to most people I meet, because I been programming and programming languages are pretty formal, and when you program it's straight to the point or blunt, another thing that I love about computers is if you program something and it doesn't work it's because you messed it up, it doesn't just not work because it doesn't like you or anything like that. It's your fault and I love that blunt relationship me and my computers have.