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Still super sad... Does MD make you sad or happy or does it alternate?

I really need somebody to talk to. I've never felt this depressed and heavy-hearted before, and I'm very worried it's going to last a long time and get worse. As if, this is it: my MD has stopped being a coping mechanism, and it's now working against me. A melanchic reminder. Does anyone else go through this? Used to be my MDs make me happy, but now... How about you? Does it alternate for you guys?

Also, another question: What effect do you think caffeine has on your MDing?

Lately, I've been depriving myself of artificial light and caffeine (and food unintentionally) hoping to get good night's sleep. I'm writing this up right before I get to sleep: attempt #I lost count, I think three or four. It's weird, I'm both dreading daydreaming of myself holding and spooning with my fantasy lover, and whatnot.

sigh

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Comment by Fallen Messenger on April 12, 2017 at 8:25am
Sorry for the misspells.i just really want to help.
Comment by Fallen Messenger on April 12, 2017 at 8:23am
I think this sorta deal happens worth everybody, maladaptive daydreamers and people who don't have or alike. Sure, it may seem to worse for us because we spend so much time alone, isolated. But i believe your busy depressed in general and you're using yourself and your dding as a scapegoat. Sure, MD may be the root that your acknowledging, but I believe if you start talking to your friends more, you'll find your not alone. You may be the only DDer in that convo, but they support might just be all you need. Find one friend, just one, tell them about you're dd. Give them all your typist, go out of your comfort zone, that support may just save your life. And I'm speaking from my own personal experience. Depression is not were you want to be, believe me. So please, no matter how hard our is, take that first step and regain hope.
Comment by OhMyMagenta on March 21, 2017 at 8:59pm
Overall, I feel the majority of my daydreams create a sense of temporary euphoria & allow for me to explore things and meet new people. That said, I have had several instances where the daydreams turn much more macabre & have made me cry on more than once occasion.

For me, Caffeine doesn't seem to have an effect on my DD, but I've also been drinking soda since I was 6 years old & more than likely developed a tolerance.
Comment by Source on March 20, 2017 at 3:06am

Problems have been building up outside your dream world while you weren't looking, and your MDD is no longer powerful enough to completely eclipse them and make you feel like everything is fine. Now you're spiraling towards the inevitable center, and if you can't find what's really wrong it will only get worse.

Dig through your daydreams and your compulsion to generate them, study every layer you manage to unravel, break them down into their components, then repeat the process with the components themselves. It will likely feel like trekking through a deeper and deeper hell, but when you reach the true bottom you'll know the real cause of your MDD. Everything will be a lot clearer when you know what to deal with.

Comment by MatthewR on March 19, 2017 at 10:21pm

Yah, i know what you mean...when i leave my daydream I feel like i've been pulled away from myself, or like i'm leaving some part of 'me' behind. It's a very strange magnetic pull i feel, like when i finally confront real life, it's very bland and empty. I think I've forgotten how to just be present with myself that i feel alienated in a way. It's not easy at first, but if you can stay with it and endure the depressed feelings and heartbreak, you can rebuild that connection with real life and other people...if you think going to therapy can help, i'd suggest try it... really, it's worth it. Re-attaching to fantasy may not be the best idea right now...it might make things worse. Good luck!  

Comment by B L Carlson on March 19, 2017 at 7:10pm

it seems like the more I try to pull away, the more depressed and heartbroken I become, idk why, this has been such a sudden onset. I'm even considering going to see someone, anything to get me back to normal.

Maybe I should just indulge all day, don't even read material related to it, just go deep into my mind; maybe I've been knocked off kilter by certain things and stressors and deprived and my brain just wants to re-attach itself to this fantasy world, and it's urging me on.

Comment by MatthewR on March 19, 2017 at 6:46pm

My daydreams used to be something i could enjoy and look forward to. Now, they are a nuisance, and I hate myself for wasting so much time. The problem is that it's very difficult to control myself when i slip into a dd. I feel like my brain is drunk on them and when i come out of a DD i'm in a stupor. So, i'm not happy at all. I haven't been happy with them in a long time.

Caffeine definitely makes dd'ing worse for me. I really struggle with anxiety, so sometimes the caffeine drives both, and i end up feeling very disoriented and exhausted at the end of the day...kinda strung out. It's difficult for me to sleep. Insomnia's a problem, so you're not alone in this.

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