Where wild minds come to rest
Sometimes, I feel like people can get thrown off my external appearance 'too fast' and 'too much,' when I can't help it! It leaves me feeling so very frustrated, and makes me wonder what I have just done. I have Autism, so it's always been hard to read people's minds and emotions. To me, everything is just a washed out glance at first. So this allows people to jump on conclusions and make up judgements that are way 'too quick' for me. Of course, these people don't know me from Adam's Apple computer. Sometimes, my own facial expressions can be different from my own thoughts, so maybe this confuses them. For instance, we can feel happy or content, but not necessarily want to smile all the time. I do have this situation, where my face makes me look either startled or glum. Only really funny, exciting and feel good moments really ever make me smile so much. So, if I don't react exactly how someone could have expected, especially the super outgoing types, well they'll suddenly think, "are you tired?" or "are not having a good day?" or "are you really having any fun?" or "do you really want to work here?" or "it can't be that bad." I can be the strong silent type as well, so this does make it hard for people to detect what is going on with me. But then, they get all agitated that I'm extremely quiet and even want to know why. For years, I dreamt up that I can do whatever the Hell I want. That it is really none of their business of what disposition or state I am in. To be frank, I have had people, who I've hardly ever seen, press their faces practically into mine and stare right into my eyes....er, to see what's going on in there. I've also had weird ones crouch underneath my chin and blatantly spread their lips with their fingers, as a way of saying, "common, give me a great big smile."
People can be pretty damn rude, don't you think? I've met many freaking rude people in my life. Most extrovert people don't have the patience and etiquette to be very subtle about anything. I've even known more modest people who've just wanted to 'wake me up' by doing something surprisingly embarrassing out of the blue. Other people, I guess who are subtle, well, they just stared and stared at me for a long time, lol.
I guess we all get mortified a little too much at some moments in our lives.