Where wild minds come to rest
I've been really brainstorming on my daydreams. Between occurrences, I stop and ask myself why I'm doing it. It usually leads to beating myself up, which isn't helpful, but sometimes I get revelations. I daydream so much because I don't know how to cope with the evils of the world. The tragedies, the conspiracies, the "gut feelings" that something is wrong with our world, but not believing anything can be done about it. As a means to stay innocent and keep from conforming to the evil I know exist, I daydream. In my dreams people always show adequate emotions. No child cries and gets ignored. No husband ever beats his wife...without some lesson of morale being the purpose of the daydream. A daydream like that usually ends in the husband learning to stop displacing his anger and learning to see the woman as his equal. In my daydreams things happen that the real world has done away with. Chivalry, good health and peace occur in my dreams. Reality is war, misogyny and feminists who hate children and men, music that's owned by corporations who hate music and music lovers, movies with subliminal messages (possibly triggering daydreams) and it's exhausting to think about at times. The more I abstain from daydreaming and learn about the world around me, the more I understand why I chose to hide from it all. I don't know when the hiding ends. Do I just continue to wait for the world to change? And what if it never does? It's one of my fears. What if I'm always this way? It scares the hell out of me. I want to stop daydreaming and live in the moment and not be afraid that something bad will happen because of one victory ( overcoming md). I sometimes think people around me are doing so well in their reality, because I'm not tapped into my reality. Like maybe my misery is the key to keeping them afloat. So, likewise, as soon as I start really living my life they all may get sick and die. I guess I have a fear of flying...I fear progress and success because I think it will cause other people to fail. When will I ever stop caring and just go for it? Where will the necessary motivation come from? If more people knew about it then I would probably have more motivators, but I'm so secretive about this.