Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

I've been really brainstorming on my daydreams. Between occurrences, I stop and ask myself why I'm doing it. It usually leads to beating myself up, which isn't helpful, but sometimes I get revelations. I daydream so much because I don't know how to cope with the evils of the world. The tragedies, the conspiracies, the "gut feelings" that something is wrong with our world, but not believing anything can be done about it. As a means to stay innocent and keep from conforming to the evil I know exist, I daydream. In my dreams people always show adequate emotions. No child cries and gets ignored. No husband ever beats his wife...without some lesson of morale being the purpose of the daydream. A daydream like that usually ends in the husband learning to stop displacing his anger and learning to see the woman as his equal. In my daydreams things happen that the real world has done away with. Chivalry, good health and peace occur in my dreams. Reality is war, misogyny and feminists who hate children and men, music that's owned by corporations who hate music and music lovers, movies with subliminal messages (possibly triggering daydreams) and it's exhausting to think about at times. The more I abstain from daydreaming and learn about the world around me, the more I understand why I chose to hide from it all. I don't know when the hiding ends. Do I just continue to wait for the world to change? And what if it never does? It's one of my fears. What if I'm always this way? It scares the hell out of me. I want to stop daydreaming and live in the moment and not be afraid that something bad will happen because of one victory ( overcoming md). I sometimes think people around me are doing so well in their reality, because I'm not tapped into my reality. Like maybe my misery is the key to keeping them afloat. So, likewise, as soon as I start really living my life they all may get sick and die. I guess I have a fear of flying...I fear progress and success because I think it will cause other people to fail. When will I ever stop caring and just go for it? Where will the necessary motivation come from? If more people knew about it then I would probably have more motivators, but I'm so secretive about this.

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Comment by Iris on March 26, 2013 at 5:11am

Dear Lauren,

you just discpribed the main reason why we daydream: we fear the world. And the world is like this, unjust, betraying, cruel, but also loving and caring. The secret is to live in this world, even though you know that something bad can and will happen to you and your loved ones. I also went through these fears. I've got three daughters, that I love and wish that nothing bad happens to them, but I can't protect them from life.

But please Lauren, try to see your unreal magical thinking. Your daydreams have nothing to do with the well-being of your family! Good and bad will happen to them whether you are daydreaming or not. If you stop daydreaming and something bad happens to your family it is not your fault!

Be kind and friendly to yourself - you have suffered enough, don't be the next, who is cruel to you.

Comment by Sky with Diamonds on March 25, 2013 at 9:42pm

I think its very admirable that your dreams are about how the world should be different. Mine are much more selfish, theyre all about how i wish my life were different. Sometimes i pitcure a stuation that is actually much worse than my reality, but i am able to handle and overcome them. I can totally relate to the fear of having this forever. That scares me the most. I first developed that fear as a very young child. And we can be each others motivators. Its probably the best any of us have, being able to talk to people that go through our unique problems. as far as being secretive goes, thats something everyone can relate to. But I guess the old saying is true; youre only as sick as your darkest  secrets.

Comment by Lauren M on March 25, 2013 at 3:36am

Thanks, Pascale. I'm also the youngest of 3 girls. I had a rough time establishing self-esteem prior to developing MD. My siblings were always stronger than me. I learned to accept the position of "underdog" early on because when I was defensive or stood up for myself, it would be met with verbal attacks from my siblings, which always led to physical fights which I always lost-and they were always the judges of these fights. So, I stopped desiring to be an aggressive girl. Sometimes I just feel so weak. I feel horrible that I've never won a fight. It makes me feel like the worst person in the world. I don't understand why I became their target. Even at school, I was the target of students who were losers themselves. It's as if people knew I would make good sport for bullying. I think I developed a bit of Stockholm syndrome along the way, but deep down inside I know they're wrong for mistreating me. In my daydreams, harm always comes to them. So, it's clear that I want revenge when daydreaming. In real life it's not so clear. I become submissive because I don't want to interrupt their lives.

Comment by Pascale on March 25, 2013 at 2:16am

I understand exactely what you mean. Yet some years ago I just began to turn everything the other way. Waiting for world to change is the most stupid thing you can do. The word needs change makers and if you don't choose to be one why will you wait for anybody else to be.

I guess you are not Jesus or Supermann, neither am I, so we are not going to save the wold, that do not mean we cannot make a difference.

Today I stoped to minutes at the homless lady at the corner of the street. She is just happy when I am passing because I just smile and say hello. Most often I do not give her money but I smile to her. And I just feel a complete stranger is just happy I'm existing. In my DD I could certainly help her getting a job and a home but my DD are not helping her, my smile does.

My motivation is my faith, faith in God but also faith in human beeing. Most people are good people and socity exist because we are so  good at helping each other. In evry war and catastrophy survivors are telling stories of friendship and people risking their life to help other.

Evil exists, but if evil was the most important the human race could not survive.

By the way you have to begin by stoping to beat yourself. You do not deserve punishment for DD. If not you but another person would tell you about his/her daydreaming would you criticise or would you be suportive? Be you own friend. If a good person like you does realise her full potential only good thinks can results.

I know about the feer of flying, I call it martyr complex. That beliving at your suffering makes the wold better. Mine is coming from me beeing my parents third girl, in less than three year. Wrong time and wrong sex, but my parents loved me anyway, quite confusing. Where does yours come from?

Its unselfish giving that makes the wold a better place not suffering. That some people are able to give their life can be quite inspiring. Anyway the smile you can give today is the most important.

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