Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

It is really hard to get people to like me. It's always been that way too! It hurts when so many people get ugly and condescending on you. You're just like, "What did I do, really?" Then you realize, they don't think your NORMAL. They find something very weird and off-center about you. Maybe they get "pissed" when you just stand around  appearing all awkward, stupid, 'all shut up,' but also a million miles away. They probably wonder, "Where'd she go? Why are her eyes dazed? Is that why she is so quiet? Why won't she join in with us? Does she usually get this bitchy?"

Other moments I acted so strongly to my MD. As a young kid, I'd feel it's alright to bounce about, laugh idiotically, making silly sounds and saying dumb things around peers who don't MD. So, many of them found me creepy or extremely weird. Unfortunately, I got so lost in my MD, I never realized how crazy it made me look to other people. Later, in my 20's, I lived at home with my mother while growing a freelance business in design or hunting for jobs. She started noticing symptoms caused by MDD that made her act up unpleasantly. She'd hear me talking alone in another room or read a book out loud. Other times, she'd notice that I'd make laughing outbursts for no apparent reason. So, she assumed I was sick and was hearing voices. Rest of my family started observing the same behaviors and felt the exact same way towards me. Later on, my sister started to pick up on my dazed eyes and sudden laughing smiles, so she started warning me about dealing with non-family in these regards.

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Comment by Lisa Tomlin on June 21, 2017 at 10:40am

I fully understand what you mean. I know people think I am strange. I worry if my MD is coming out when I am in the grocery store or the mall. I know it does not when I am at work. At the same time my MD has given me some comfort. I am totally alone so it helps me deal.  

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