My Revolt

[Karla Daae]

For a couple months in between late December and Febuary, i sucessfully stopped daydreaming. It was amazing - i was becoming passionate about my writing and growing monumentally as a person. In a matter of weeks, I could feel the pull of inspiration and, for once in three years, I actually LISTENED to music, instead of merely pacing and dreaming. Finally, my life was enriched.

When I look back at that time, I remember a feeling of vicious hope and liberation. In short, I was truly happy. Something, I must admit, has been a rare commodidy in my life for the past couple years. But, in the midst of this happiness, I relapsed. I cannot comprehend my reasoning. I remember telling myself, even pleading with myself, to stop. And of course, i told myself: "oh ill only do it occasionally, it won't change my life to do it once in a while, will it?"  

It's holding me back; it is neither talent, nor gift, nor a positive birthright. It is merely a condition which i have encouraged. Which - no matter what excuses we make - has been brought on by ourselves.

Our actions beget consequences and our consequences demand action. 

I don't know about you, but I will never stop fighting, I will never except this condition as a permentant resident in my life. 

To paraphrase a famous songwriter: I will not patiently burn waiting to be saved 

[Karla Daae]

amy - it definitley took effort. My daydreams are, i suppose, of an alter ego. My characters are everything i wish to be. I think they are facets of my subconscionce, but i cant be sure. I know you (we?) can do it! Good luck!

laurean - well... my daydreams are of one set of characters, usually in the same circumstances... though i have varied them a bit. I don't think the specific scene of my daydreams are really important to my relapses because they are similar to my every day ones. hmm.. interesting though.

[Amy Billings]

I am impressed you were able to stop for two months. I have a hard time stopping for ten minutes. That is why I popped on to this site right now, looking for some tools to turn off the images long enough to clean my apartment and get something done in the real world. Laurean's post was helpful to me. Daydreaming as a substitute for real world action, which involves effort, and facing fear (of not being good enough?), feelings of powerlessness. This is helping. Gotta turn my mind to the outside. Just focus on real things, not try and turn everything into perfection inside.

[Laurean]

Daydreaming bypasses the normal action-reward mechanism and provides instant gratification, a means of emotionally balancing yourself. The maladaptive tag should give you a hint as to where the real problem lies. What have you found yourself daydreaming about during your last relapse?