My inner child whoose Maladaptive Dayreaming can be appreciated

I’m in a support group, ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) and I am working on a step (think AA) and it’s “I will sense my inner child whose efforts to survive now can be appreciated.” This is a tough one. I’ve been able to sense my inner child but I’m still working on the appreciation part, especially with Maladaptive Daydreaming. I’m usually focused on how it’s taken away opportunities in my life or kept me stuck. But, I started daydreaming for a reason and it served a purpose – and perhaps accepting that can be a flashlight out of the tunnel. So, I thought I would come up with reasons why I appreciate my inner child’s need to maladaptive daydreaming – while writing this to my inner child.

  1. You needed to be valued and loved. Your parents didn’t love you, that’s a fact. And after a while you didn’t love yourself. But, you needed people see your value and to love you. You had to make these people up in your head. You had to. They simply didn’t exist otherwise and every kid needs these people in their life.
  2. You needed to feel emotions. Your parents made it clear that emotional expression is not allowed, it makes them uncomfortable. You have to keep your emotions buried deep or else it will upset them. You needed to use your daydreams to feel emotions and express them. For many years the only way you could ever cry is in a daydream when you were imaging what your character was feeling. You experienced real joy while day dreaming. It may not have been a real story, but the emotions were real and you needed to connect with them and let them out.
  3. You needed company. You were never allowed to join clubs, sports, or anything that required transportation or your parent’s time or resources, and that makes it hard to make friends. You were often alone. Days went by when your parents didn’t acknowledge you or speak to you. Everyone needs companionship and you didn’t have any, you had to make them up. You had no other option. Daydreaming allowed you to have friends, it allowed you to love others and allow them to share in your imaginary life. You belonged.

Yes, you don’t like it that your adult self still does this while there is no longer a need for it. But, you did it for a reason and I can appreciate that. I can also thank you for your maladaptive daydreaming and for surviving so that I can take it from here.

 

 

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