lost in dreams

[Sophia Miller]

hi i am new here. i actually first found out about this disorder yesterday from a Google search. well here is a bit about me. ever since i was little i was an avid daydreamer. when i was little though i had toys and all that dreaming was quite normal for someone my age. also from a young age i was quite a loner and was happy about that. i loved nature so i would play by my self in the trees behind the school playground or i would sit under a tree to think up some adventure story. but then i started spending more time in thought than actually doing things. so i was always forgetful and had a very hard time concentrating. my parents thought i didn't want to pay attention but i just found it hard to pay attention. i would get scolded often for forgetting something or messing something up when told to do even simple tasks and chores. as i got older instead of this fantasy world fading it only got stronger and more desirable. i loved to play video games and my favorites were the legend of Zelda and Spyro. also i loved to read too. basically any fantasy or sci fi i could find. so i daydreamed a lot! homework took forever as did taking a shower or washing dishes even. i would pace around the house without even realizing it. as a teen my mom expected me to be more mature and pay attention more but that didn't happen. so i would get yelled at for doing things wrong almost all the time. i became depressed thinking i was stupid or something. i was afraid of doing things that normal people found easy like cooking because i was afraid that if i wasn't completely focused the whole time i was bound to mess it up. i fact i was and still am afraid of messing up because my mind keeps wandering just when i need it to "be still" i am nervous because my daydreaming hinders my concentration. and getting yelled at is no fun so sometimes i would automatically shut it out and in my mind go somewhere else (usually an open meadow or forest) to cope with the feelings that i cant ever do anything right which then makes me concentrate less. i understand my mom is under a lot of pressure and has severe anxiety so she cant sleep. she worries all the time about money so she gets upset at the littlest things usually something i do or don't do. i started daydreaming more and more until they were such an important part of me that if i had to focus or was under time pressure i would get snappy and irritable. i would also get irritable if i didn't have enough time to daydream which means i must be addicted to daydreaming. the "friends" i did have when i was little had no trouble manipulating me because i thought everyone was good people who never lied. after finding i was wrong i had a hard time trusting people so i had no friends just people i talked to at school and that was it. for what seems like years i was happy to be alone because my daydreams kept me company (the characters). i in fact thought i didn't need friends. now i realize how painful loneliness is and want to have friends. now that i am a christian i intend to find a church where i can meet people so maybe that will help since i would find much in common with other Christians (my faith is very important to me). also quite oddly prayer helps me focus. when i pray i have to focus so when i find my mind wandering again its easy to tell. but concentrating is still very hard and my mind relapses into daydreams often still. i hope that here i can find others with this problem and maybe we can figure this out. i love to daydream, and daydreaming to a certain extent is healthy. but it gets in the way when you cant control it and you have to do something that requires focus. i want to control my daydreams not my daydreams control me. but i dont want to stop daydreaming all together. this kind of daydreaming is sort of a blessing and a curse. you love it and you hate it.

well this is my story. i hope its not too long. i really got through telling you what i never dared to tell anyone my whole life.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

This is a place to let loose & write whatever comes to mind. There's no too long or too short. Express whatever you need to. It feels good to let it all out. Good job. :)