Lost & Found

[Wendy Rose]

A couple years ago I went through an intense period of day dreaming unlike anything I had done in the past. up until then I thought a little day dreaming was healthy and it enhanced my creativity. But this was different, it consumed my thoughts 24 / 7. I still went to work but my day dream continued all day even there. I couldn't wait to go to lunch so I could spend every minutes enhancing and perfecting my 'relationships' while I sat alone in the car. I knew I was in a lot of emotional pain and day dreaming seemed to be the only way to keep that pain at bay. Eventually the day dream subsided and my life was normal again. But recently my mom died, she had come to live with me after she had a stroke two years ago. We have never gotten along so I was basically bringing the enemy into my home, that is what triggered that intense round of day dreaming back then. Now that she is dead, that all the people who said they loved her so much just abandoned her and me to take care of her alone. The last couple months of her life, we became close and she said all the loving things you want to hear. She really went out of her way to make things right between us. I was with her 24/ 7 at the hospital. I quit my job to take care of her and make sure her needs were met. She suffocated from infectious pneumonia in the end. Sorry to say all that, but I did ok for three months. Then there is the will to deal with and my last close relative pulled away from me and it all became too much. I closed the drapes and I basically hide out and day dream all the time. I am unhappy. I realize this is my coping skill that I have used all my life, but never like this. I feel lost. Then I typed in the words day dreaming online to see if there is anything out here to help and I found this website. It has been 8 days since I have been out much. The weather is that PERFECT fall weather that I love but I don't even open the windows so that people will think I am not home when they just drop by unannounced.
Certainly this all must be a short term thing, I hope. I dont want to lose reality. I know the difference. The pain is just to much right now...right?

[sheena]

You are right, the pain is too much. Even if you get comfort from others, its not enough and sometimes it may not even be genuine. The dream world is safe, you're in a barrier there where you feel all the emotions that you don't receive from the real world. You are protected in that world even though you created it to escape your real life and certain situations. I'm sorry for your loss and even though you didn't experience the closeness of a mother all those years, maybe your mum wasn't in a place where she could show you the love that you needed. Be happy that you got to take care of her when she needed you most. You did a great thing for her and I'm sure her soul is happy.