Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

This morning I was practically torn to pieces. It's a long story, but it's a combination of my maladaptive dreaming and
my struggles with social skills. Since I was a little thing, I always dreamed of having lots of friends and experiencing relationships. I always wanted romance in my life and it was never there, so I have always been a single female. Mostly,
I always wondered what it was like to be a well-liked and well-admired woman. Right now, I am the biggest loner in the world. My dad wanted this of me too, but he couldn't believe it when I never made the slightest effort to make it happen. He was broken just as much as I was, missing out on dating, relationships and friendships. Later I learned, this all happened because I had Asperger Syndrome. I threw people off with my inabilities to interact with them. My life got dull and unsatisfactory all due to this social disorder of mine, so guess what I did to escape it all—instead of literally finding a way out—I decided to DAYDREAM for 20 solid years. OOPS! Now I live at home with my parents like a fricken 10 year old. I have to switch careers because my current graphic design occupation is dying. Nobody was impressed by my hardworking attempts to ace an interview. So biking across the town, I whined to myself about why life is being so cruel to me. I wondered why you expect so many wonderful things to happen since childhood, but down the road, in your adulthood, everything just turns to 'shits and bricks.' I expected to be a very refined artist running a studio business or a successful business woman in graphic art, living independently and free. Instead, I remain under my mother's foot up to the age of 31 and doing work that I totally don't love at all. Of course, being tunnel visioned and living inside your head doesn't help your plans very well. You are too out of it and weak to do much about your future. Eventually you even get sicker if you don't stop young.

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Comment by Fallen Messenger on July 16, 2017 at 6:02pm

I completely agree with MatthewR and Ulaan Gom. We all struggle with this factor of MD, but it is hitting you particularly hard right now: time steals everything, but MD makes you oblivious of that time, so everything that you had is slowly slipping away from you like a helpless child, and it's all going to ruin. I get it, even though I don't truly get what you are exactly going through right now because I'm still a teenager.

My alter egos act like voices inside my head, but not in a schizophrenic way, I just have an overwhelming desire to be like them that their personalities inside of me persuade me to do things. Anyways, so one of my alter egos, Aiora, is a bad-a** leather and chains sort of girl, and my desire to be like her persuaded me, a straight a student, to etch symbols from my daydreams in a metal wall with a knife. I didn't want to do it, but I wanted to be like Aiora so badly that I gave in. One of my symbols of my daydreams looks kinda satanic, but it isn't, I created it on my own. So I got suspended for vandalizing with satanic symbols for a few days. It's not a tough as what your going through, but I have to live with my family, friends, and church (yes my church) making fun of me for doing it. Rumors began to spread. I said that it was peer pressure because I did it with a group of people, but thats not the truth. Yes it was peer pressure, but from my alter ego, I couldn't tell anyone that because they would think I'm crazy!

    Sorry, I didn't really mean to ramble on about myself, but I just want you to know, that I did eventually overcome the rumors and lies, and you can also get in gear and back on track with your life. As I said earlier, I truly don't understand what you are going through, but I know enough. Maladaptive daydreaming is humiliating. Especially when it holds you back from achieving your true potential. I say that you try to find a career that suits you and your MD. Take baby steps, don't expect your life to improve in one day or, as my sister has said,for "the day that everything falls into place". Sorry, but that will never happen on it's own. You have to work hard to allow for a future to be ahead of you. And your only 31, you have many years ahead of you. Just a thought, but maybe you could apply to work at a museum as a curator. I find story telling is a strong suit for MDers, sure it takes some social skills, but I know you can do it if you work hard.

   I want you to know that I am looking out for you, so is everyone on this website. So go get 'em. Take those little steps to be that strong woman you have always dreamed to be. And before you know it, it will be a reality, one that you would rather live in that daydream about.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on July 16, 2017 at 7:27am

Thanks, I am just starting to see this coming.

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on July 16, 2017 at 7:27am

Comment by Ulaan Gom on July 15, 2017 at 9:08pm

Honestly I couldn't agree more with MatthewR. Daydreaming excessively can be frustrating, especially if it's compiled with difficult life situations and not being able to live out your full potential. However, our past does NOT have to define our future. You are wiser and have more mental tools now than ever to turn around your life towards the direction you've always wanted to take. I too have experienced many moments where I feel as though Maladaptive Daydreaming has robbed me of my life, and although excessive daydreaming is still a very real problem for me, I am determined not to give up. I believe the key is to develop a balance between combatting daydreaming and taking active steps towards improving our real lives, even if these steps are small at first and only last five minutes a day, because over time they will make a huge difference. You have so much to live for in your real life, and the world will benefit from you living your life to the fullest, always remember that. I wish you the best of luck because I know that over time, you WILL live the life you've always wanted to in real life!

Comment by Jessica Ballantyne on July 15, 2017 at 8:20pm

Thank you for seeing what I'm going through

Comment by MatthewR on July 15, 2017 at 7:41pm

Hi Jessica, I hope you're doing better now. I think the important thing for us is to realize that we've still got life left enough to make some changes. True, we've been at this for most of our lives, but it doesn't have to end our prospects for some happiness, whether that's meeting new people or starting a new career. It's depressing getting older without having much to show for it. It's never too late, of course. I'm sorry to hear about the graphic design job. I know it's a difficult field because the pay is so unpredictable, but i hope you can find something else that excites you. Keep searching, and I hope the best for you.  

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