Where wild minds come to rest
This morning I was practically torn to pieces. It's a long story, but it's a combination of my maladaptive dreaming and
my struggles with social skills. Since I was a little thing, I always dreamed of having lots of friends and experiencing relationships. I always wanted romance in my life and it was never there, so I have always been a single female. Mostly,
I always wondered what it was like to be a well-liked and well-admired woman. Right now, I am the biggest loner in the world. My dad wanted this of me too, but he couldn't believe it when I never made the slightest effort to make it happen. He was broken just as much as I was, missing out on dating, relationships and friendships. Later I learned, this all happened because I had Asperger Syndrome. I threw people off with my inabilities to interact with them. My life got dull and unsatisfactory all due to this social disorder of mine, so guess what I did to escape it all—instead of literally finding a way out—I decided to DAYDREAM for 20 solid years. OOPS! Now I live at home with my parents like a fricken 10 year old. I have to switch careers because my current graphic design occupation is dying. Nobody was impressed by my hardworking attempts to ace an interview. So biking across the town, I whined to myself about why life is being so cruel to me. I wondered why you expect so many wonderful things to happen since childhood, but down the road, in your adulthood, everything just turns to 'shits and bricks.' I expected to be a very refined artist running a studio business or a successful business woman in graphic art, living independently and free. Instead, I remain under my mother's foot up to the age of 31 and doing work that I totally don't love at all. Of course, being tunnel visioned and living inside your head doesn't help your plans very well. You are too out of it and weak to do much about your future. Eventually you even get sicker if you don't stop young.