Where wild minds come to rest
Has anybody ever had a tough, embarrassing and traumatic background etc. too much bullying and harassment, not fitting in EVER, being misunderstood, especially not getting the 'big picture' until your so much older. Does it ever feel creepy (haunting) to revisit those moments in your life and finally see what went wrong, even though, it was so many years ago **decades ago**, it's kind of late to resolve them or explain to someone what's up etc. maladaptive daydreaming or social disorders.
I was a kid who didn't have it easy socially. Maladaptive daydreaming filled my head with fantasies, and made me believe certain things would come true in real life. Eventually, lots of people have told me that's not the way it is, not in the real world. Even if I tried to make things vital, not everybody 'thought so', kind of gossiped and snickered, said mean things or silently refused. It's as though I wanted to blend in, but several didn't agree well with me, rather they found me all scared and shy...or didn't find me comfortable fit. Noticed there were too many things about me all weird and off-center. Just the way they were.
It wasn't until ages 29-31, I got blown away by harsh cold realities of things. I discovered that I had Asperger Syndrome, which is why I had trouble connecting with just about anyone. However in my past, nobody in my school years knew of Asperger Syndrome, so they thought I was just this loser that never fit in anywhere. Also, I was a nearly non-verbal AS type who was also clumsy and had a learning disability, so everybody underestimated me as very stupid, when really, I was highly intelligent. In high school, everybody rejected me as a friend because I just wouldn't talk and dating other guys was out of the question. Many guys just found me very strange, unattractive, dumb-looking and rather unfriendly. Unlike the bubbly, sexy and chatty cheerleaders they were usually seeing.
Overall, growing up was struggling, just as much as being a teenager. Non-family members in public found me too-quiet, unfriendly, impolite, tunnel-visioned, stupid and really crazy. It also 'clicked in' with them that I was day dreaming, just be seeing my dazed eyes or distant stares. So dealing with adult strangers was even worse than dealing with bratty kids.
So turning 31, I now see 'how everybody really feel when they look at me.' Looking back at my youthful beliefs, they now all look very 'silly.'