Where wild minds come to rest
I have always wanted to date people and maintain a relationship. I have never experienced this. I am 31 years old!
I have spent a lifetime of dealing with people who didn't like who I was. What I mean is, I have always had problems getting intimate with people. I was an intensely timid and quiet person. So, either nobody noticed I was there or it they did, they never really gave a shit.
Well, I spent my entire life day dreaming about being people I'm totally not and will never be. It's a long stretch of a story.
Whenever I try to shadow a role model from any source, like a movie, I really end up running back into my stupid self.
People will remind me when they feel my actions are 'not smartly thought out' or I just look sheer ridiculous. They'll even act towards me so significantly, like they'll start yelling and swearing or threw certain looks.
I've even tried to attract people and believe me. A few have actually laughed at me. LOL.
So, for some reason, I am rather angry at my dreams, because they're definitely not real life. I think they started in the first place, because I just wanted to escape from how boring, unsatisfactory or pitiful things were at times. Everybody knows how much 'life can suck.' After all, my mom has told me, 'That's just life.'
It presses on me how much I could have improved in my life, if I hadn't gone off and day dreamed.