increase in daydreaming

[debbie downer]

i've always been comfortable with my daydreaming and i've always told myself that i don't want to stop until i'm engaged or married because i'll feel like i'm cheating on my husband with my main/favorite male daydream character. after i got into my first real relationship last summer, i thought i wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. my daydreaming lessened each day as i fell more and more in love with this real life guy who actually liked me back. it never fully stopped, but it got to the point where i was daydreaming very little, which was strange for me.

we officially ended things almost a month ago. during the month or two leading up to the breakup, i could feel his interest in me winding down every day. i still loved him just as much as i always did, but he didn't seem as interested anymore and he wasn't giving me what i needed. i'm technically the one who broke up with him, but it felt (and still feels) as though i was the one who had gotten dumped because i almost had to break up with him because he had said some things to me that were so hurtful that i would not be able to forget them if we were to continue dating. i still love him just as much as i did and it hurts a lot and i really regret my decision even though i know it's technically for the best. no one has ever been as nice to me as he has, and i don't know if i'll ever find someone who will be that nice to me again.

on top of that, i am now on summer break and have started a new job that's very mundane and tedious. it's basically an assembly line job. i feel like the grandfather in charlie and the chocolate factory whose job is to screw the caps onto toothpaste.

from the combination of those two things, my daydreaming has increased drastically. it's made me realize how much it really can be used as a coping mechanism. i've always been one to emphasize the point that MD doesn't always need to be the product of a traumatic childhood because my childhood was great and my MD just seemingly started out of nowhere, but now i can see why people cling to their daydreams in times of struggle. that's certainly not to say that this is the first time i've entered a rough patch in my life-- i was very depressed and suffered from social anxiety for a number of years. this is just the first time that i've used MD as my main coping mechanism. usually, when i'm going through a hard time, MD is there the same way that it was when i was doing fine. MD is usually a constant. but in this instance, my MD lessened when i was the happiest i've been in my life, and now that my life has completely flipped, it's more prominent than it has ever been-- almost as though it's making up for lost time.

just an interesting observation that i've made. feel free to comment with similar experiences or message me if you would like to talk. although i only come on this site when i have something to blog about, i always love to hear about other people's experiences with MD.