Where wild minds come to rest
As many of you know, since i've talked about it a little on chat/forum, usually my DD is about a relationship with someone else. In the last couple of years 2/3 people have been in my DD quite frequently. One of those people is an artist i admire a lot and i follow his work through his blog and twitter. I used to DD about him a lot in the past but eventually it faded away and i was able to keep following his work without DDing about him. So one day i opened twitter and he was saying he was going to travel to take part in a event in a city near where i live. That made me nervous and made me question so much stuff about MD and myself. My first thought was "should i go there or not?". It was a public event and he would be there to "talk to fans" so he was actually inviting people to show up. I decided not to go and try not to think over it but it did cross my head that i should actually go and meet him since i spent so much time DDing over him. It also made me question how much i want my DDs to be real or not.
I was very anxious during that day but decided to stick with my decision of not going. Then he uploaded a picture on his profile and i recognized it seconds later as being VERY close to my house. I live near a beach and he posted a picture of that. Somehow he got time to visit it before the event. I was very anxious. It wasn't a matter of me going to some event to see him, he was just there across the street... I kept thinking i shouldn't go and avoided opening twitter/facebook so i wouldn't know anything related to where he was. I felt pathetic about it and realized how much i am actually affected by MD and what i experience in MD. Maybe all of this was easier because i wasn't DDing about him as much as i was in the past but still... I can't help but feel very stupid when i put into words how my DDs are. This is part of the problem why i haven't been able to talk about it to a doctor. I feel pathetic. I feel that only 12 year old girls are allowed to daydream with their favourite artists.
My main and later DD is about someone else who is also an artist i admire. He's very reserved and usually only talks about his work so there are very few pictures and information about him. He announced he got married recently and no one even knew he was dating. This was also a huge surprise and i don't even know how to describe how i felt. I felt anxious and scared. Scared because i was scared of feeling like i was rejected or got my heart broken. Have you ever been in this situation? I realize many people don't DD like this but i feel i need to hear others stories so i can get over it. It makes absolutely no sense to be sad about it but for a while i felt sad that he got married. Since this episode i have avoided DDing about him and it's been around 1 month since that i guess. Before that i was DDing more than i ever did. I have been blocking my DDs about him but I'm scared i try to substitute him for someone else and keep MD up. I want to use this chance to stop MDing over other people i will never meet and who never will be in my life but i feel extremely weak when it comes to facing MD.
Ok, so i just wrote the longest blog post i ever did! lol But i felt i needed to share this and hear what others have to say. I'll probably erase this later. Thanks for reading! :)