Hello, th--- *vomit life story into box*. I'm Lizzie. Nice to meet ya!

[Lizzie Wanderlust]

Well, hello everyone on this site. I’m new here, and I would like to introduce myself. So, here it goes…

I want to start by saying I’ve been lurking around this site for several months now, without having the courage to make an account. My name is Elizabeth, also known as Lizzie or Liz, and I’m a seventeen-year-old high school/college student. I enjoy listening to power pop, drinking tea, writing in fancy journals, and daydreaming.

Oh, I love daydreaming. I often rush home after a stressful day at school, just to throw on my headphones, hit the play button for my favorite song, and pace around my room for several hours while I dance around in my own world.

I’ve been daydreaming excessively for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t much of a problem when I was little. Actually, I thought it was normal. I figured all little girls drifted off in their own worlds. That they all had imaginary friends, and paced to the music as their own friendly worlds absorbed them.

I was never traumatized as a child, just lonely. I was a quiet kid, and didn’t talk much when at school or in large groups. I had best friends, but they didn’t talk much either. I think that’s why I daydreamed so much. When I daydreamed, I had friends to talk too. I had the characters of Captain Planet, Pokemon, Sailor Moon, and all my other favorite kiddy shows to play with. I wasn’t so alone.

It was in the fifth grade that I began to realize my daydreaming was a bit different. I tried to talk to my “best friends” about it, telling them about my imaginary friends and the adventures we had. I figured the other kids would understand, and that they’d giggle and tell me about their adventures as well. But they didn’t. They just stared at me.

I shook it off. I figured they didn’t understand, because my daydreams were befitting of a kindergartener, and not a student about to move into middle school. I told myself I’d outgrow it, soon. Just like I’d outgrown my favorite dress.

I daydreamed my way through middle school. I paced to the music, and fell into the open arms of my imaginary friends. As the teachers began to prepare us for high school, I was still living in my second world. I shook it off. I’d outgrow it soon.

High school began and I went about as I had always went about. I made a few close friends, but for the most part, rarely talked. After the first year, the stress of school and personal relationships got to me, and I fell into a depression.

I think all teens go through depression at some point of time. It’s like the adults always say; Our hormones are all wacky, and we just can’t control our emotions. As I slowly seeped into my depression, I began to pull away from those around me. I went to school, but didn’t speak. I was silent, even as home. I began to rely on my second world more than I had ever before. There I had the perfect family, the perfect friends, the perfect me.

At the height of my depression, I turned upon my daydreams. I began to blame them for my depression, for my destroyed friendships, for my empty life.

At that point, I did something I hadn’t done since elementary school. I confessed. I told my parents all about my daydreams, in gory details. They stared at me for a while, told me I was different but completely capable of living a normal life, and forgot it. They just forgot it. It just wasn’t important. I could “live”.

I did live. By junior year of high school, my depression had begun to fade, and I switched to a new high school. I was excited about this switch. I was excited about making new friends, inviting them over for parties, and just having a fun time with real people.

You see, in my own second world, I was an outgoing, bubbly teenager. However, in real life, my depression had left me more quiet than ever. I arrived at my new high school, but was unable to speak a word to my fellow students. I was afraid to talk. It was as if I’d forgotten how to speak all together.

And so, I faded into the distance. I’ve been attending high school for the past two years, living in my daydreams, often forgetting about the real world.

So, back to how I found this site. A few months ago I decided to Google social anxiety disorder, because I was beginning to wonder if I had it. After reading a few posts about S.A.D., I began to think about my daydreaming. So I Google-ed, “daydream pacing music”.

I didn’t expect to find anything, actually. I thought I was the only one who daydreamed in the way I did. But a few clicks later, I was reading about a condition called Maladaptive Daydreaming. I quickly scrolled to the “symptoms”. Check, check….. check. I not only fit one, but I seemed to fit them all. I clicked a few more links, and found myself upon this very site.

I was in shock. There were others like me. I wasn’t alone.

But then I realized, there were others who were even older than me. I knew I wasn’t going to just outgrow this, at least not any time soon. And I had hoped to stop excessively daydreaming by the start of my full time college. I was horrified. My childish daydreaming not only had a name, but was going to continue to destroy my life. And I couldn’t tell anyone about it. Because they’d only think of me as being “ill”.

That’s my story. Sorry if it’s a bit long. I haven’t yet told anyone about finding this condition, especially not my family or classmates.

I actually was just writing this blog to say hi, but then I kinda vomited onto my keyboard, and my whole life appeared on the page.

Well, then. Hello, everyone. Please don’t mind me. I’m gonna just lurk on the site for a while, and take it all in. One word at a time.

[H89]

Welcome :)

[Lizzie Wanderlust]

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. (: I feel very welcomed to the site, and am very glad to be meeting you all!

[greyartist]

welcome!

[Aine]

Hello and Welcome Lizzie, we are all at different points in our journey on here. I'm one of the older members and have already been where you are. It does get better, really it does. I found this site in Jan and I'm so glad to know that I am not alone. Let your daydreams help you, I know it seems like a curse  at times, I am finally trying to see it as a gift. It won't be easy, just one day at a time like you said. I wish you all the best.

[Jenna]

Hiya Lizzie, it's nice to meet you, I'm Jenna.

I can relate in many ways, with the thinking you will grow out of it, the afraid people will think you're ill,the going home from school and immediately dding, etc. I think most of the people on here went through all the same things.

Sigh, anyways once again welcome. P.S That is the best blog title ever. XD

[BilboBaggins]

Hey there and welcome!

I'm glad you decided to make an appearance. It's nice to "meet" you. Like you, I struggle in social aspects and can appreciate how hard it is. I daydreamed as long as I can remember, which made relationships hard. Also, I was homeschooled, so that strained it even further. Now in University I've started talking to the resident physchologist in a hopeful attempt at becoming more comfortable around other people. It's gotten so bad that I can't physically say anything in class without shaking for minutes after, and I can hardly pay attention to the coursework because I'm too busy trying to not be uncomfortabley aware of the people around me. (By "aware" I mean that awkward feeling of their presence constantly being there, if that makes sense.) I haven't so far been able to tell the physcologist about MD, but I am hoping to soon-she's very nice and I'm sure she'll respond gently. I think that if you think talking about it is something that can help you, you should strive to find someone to do just that to-many members have discussed taking along a copy of the study conducted about the condition (avail. on the main page) to solidify the fact that this is no small deal.

In the mean time, best of luck with the remainder of highschool. It's hard, but I promise it's managable! I don't want to be counterproductive but I have found that actually withdrawing into my head does help the social anxiety, at least until a better solution can be found. The unfortunate reality of school is that it's very extroversion-centric, whereas most of as are not-so we just have to tough it out more than the rest! Anyways, I get what you mean about the word vomit, so I'll shut up now!!! The point is: welcome! This is a wonderful place to share your thoughts and I hope that you do!