Where wild minds come to rest
Frustration, it is the perfect word to describe what my life is like right now :(.
1. My mom doesn't give a shit about anything. Its getting ridiculous, I hate to say this but her priorities are messed up. I never thought I could say this about an adult or my mom. Subject choices have come up and all the other parents are sitting down with their kids talking about what they want to do, I told her and she doesn't give a crap. I filled out my choices form alone, my dads never here so I don't really have him to help me other then emailing and we're not as close. There was a problem with a grade on my report all the the other students parents who had the same problem emailed the school and got it fixed, I told my mom and she just says to take it to the school and get it fixed. I don't know why but it really aggravated me. Another thing is that she's become increasingly religious these days so when I have a problem even if its pretty serious all she does is say some prayer and forget about it. Its getting ridiculous. Everything now for her is a question of god. Maybe she's having a mid life crisis though she is in her early forties. I used to be able to at least know I could talk to my mom but now I really do have nobody.
2. The negative reoccurring thoughts has become way too much. Its come to the point where I'll start thinking and then automatically punch my head several times to get the thought out. I can't bare it, it didn't use to be this intense but its happening at lease once every two hours these days.
3. Just inflicting self pain in general. I come off as a very "sweet" and
"innocent" person but I am full of rage. I'm that kind of person that will take shit until it just gets too much and I explode. Recently I've been on the exploding side of the spectrum and I feel like the only solution is to hurt myself. Not cutting or anything, I hit my head the other day against the wall on purpose, It didn't hurt very much but later on I realized there was a small dent and it stung to the touch. I also wanted to punch through my rough wall and I did a little but and scrapped all my knuckles up, but not anything bad.
4. Most people listen to music whilst doing something, but I can't. Well in away I am doing something dding, but it just looks like I'm staring at my itunes not doing anything. I love music and sometimes I can get my act together and do work when its playing and I find I'm more productive like that than without music, but not if I'm dding.
Sorry for the bad grammar I just needed to vent and I knew I could do it here.