Escaping Wonderland (stepping out, at last?)

[Gina Black]

Ah, I haven't been here for some time. But I haven't been much into DD, either. My life has been too fast-paced the last week: I'm changing house-and life.

I have good news: my plans worked, and I seem to be cured!!! I've found most of my poisonous triggers. I've unburried major desires, major parts of my personality, and took steps to bring them into my real life. This calmed down my overactive imagination.

For example, I got in an arts team, in the city I just moved in. Most of the reasons that pushed me in DDing are about arts and communication, so being in the team raises my concentration a lot. Especially acting is AMAZING: you need to DD inside reality, with all your being participating. I find it is a great exercise. Not easy...but worth it. 

Secondly, my life's at a turning point, where everything it possible. For the first time I have full freedom of chasing my dreams. I currently research all the paths I could possibly follow, and that is very dreamy by itself!

Lastly, there's a huge political and economical turmoil here, and the results scare me...so I try to become more vigilant, as I feel my well-being and my family's well-being being threatened. Safety, food and internet access are three good reasons for raising one's vigilance!

The resulting "normal" state of mind is still unstable, as I'm not like this for too long...let's see if I have escaped for good!

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I have more news...I suspect I have deciphered the true identity of my 4 teachers. (For the ones who haven't read my previous posts: these are four imaginary friends, in animal form, who I use as a medium to communicate with my subconscious. They are also a creation of my subconscious)

I've started studying more about the ways humans think. The human brain is fascinating! I read we have 3 basic brain areas. If that's true, Teiresias, the snake, represents the "old brain", which is about survival. Wolf comes from the mid brain (feelings), and Artemis, the lion, is the new brain (the "civilized" guy). It fits their character, and teachings, extremely well! I were so exhited when I read about it. The brain is way more complex, of course, but the certain categorizing is striking.

That leaves us the only female of the team. A cutie called Mary, the monkey. She has never appeared much, but  no part of the "teachers" is secondary. I was very curious about her, until last week. She has started to reveal herself since I got in that arts team. 

What is she? I could probably describe her as "love". She is...my ability to make bonds and communicate. My expression. My social presence, in the deepest meaning. She might also represent my supressed femininity. And she's by far the strangest member of the team: she communicates with empathy and pictures instead of words.  She REFUSES to talk. Whenever I want to make connections, I see clones of her appearing on others' shoulders, as she acts as a communication amplifier. She doesn't do a perfect job, but I know I just need to understand her better: I have rejected all her sides, lots of times, for various reasons. She carries too much blame. I believe understanding her is my last and hardest task, in order to ensure that I beat MD forever. She is both my greatest weakness and my bigger strength, that's why she hadn't revealed her true self up to now. Hadn't I grown strong enough, I'd never be able to cope with her, to accept the scars and responsibilities she carries. I'm still not sure I can do it... This cruel, yet caring teacher may prove a risk to everything I have achieved so far. But I'll try my best!

[Gina Black]

Thanks KwanKwan (I love the sound of your username, by the way!) My tales are seriously weird, like one called "the day shoe laces disappeared from Italy" and another about a nation of bio-mechanical clothes. I may try publishing one day, though :)

Since you want to stop it, I believe you'll make it! Just be persistent in figuring things out, don't give up until you win. Life may suck now, but try working on things little-by-little and getting inspired by the hardships of life. That way, even if you go through hard times, one day you'll look back and notice how much you've changed. All the work is really, really worth it, no matter how long it takes.

I wish your life gets awesome soon! Keep it up :)

[KwanKwan]

I am so happy you figured out the meaning of your daydreams! i kinda have but its stil lso hard to stop. my life sucks now so i guess i have to wait till it gets better to see MAJOR approvement.

And i like the sound of the story you wrote. You should try to get it published :) especially with a name like Gina Black...sounds like a good author name.

[Gina Black]

You made it? That's wonderful news! :D :D :D

Thank you for the support :)

It is true it won't solve everything...but it's a bit reverse for me: accepting the existence of my problems and solving them was the way to escape daydreams. I guess I'll solve my future problems a little faster, though :)

I started reading the article and it looks very helpful! Thx for the reccomendation. It is all because of suppressed feelings, indeed. There is a lot of material here. I'll make a new post after I read it!

[Eretaia]

By the way, please read this article, I think it'll help you tremendously:

http://gettinbetter.com/addiction.html

[Eretaia]

Nice to know you're almost done. I finally cured my MD and the urge to daydream is gone. Finally. So get all your hopes up and unriddle the goddamn monkey, lmao. Stopping MD doesn't mean you'll stop all your problems but at least you won't have a negative defense mechanism which would prevent you from solving them.

[Gina Black]

I just remembered an old fairytale I had written... One of the basic characters was a monkey, "Hoggey the Keyholder". He held the keys to a door leading to a phantasy world, but also out of it. Without her monkey friend, the heroine wouldn't be able to change worlds. It's exactly what I do now, I try to get my "keyholder monkey" back. I never made the connection before. 

Also strange, the heroine's mother was from the everyday world, and her dad was from the dreamworld, which I now realize depicts my parents quite well. All the story is a metaphor about my life...ohmygosh.