Where wild minds come to rest
I wonder if maybe i wasn't successful in life because I 'lived in my own world,' rather than having any perception of the real one that's out there. I always though I can achieve something...when really, I always fell on my face again.
For instance, I never won the fancy of any guy I've met. They either found me weird, 'not cool enough', not very smart or rather 'crazy.' Other times they called me a 'little girl', because I was tiny and baby-faced. Most times, they never 'understood all about me.' Often, they'd just shrugged their shoulders, turned their backs and walked away—as if they saw I wasn't f***able material. Later on, I learned that they were all 'Losers' — and preferred shallow women, who talked a-mile-a-minute and had sexy body features.
I eventually learned I was extremely beautiful, talented and intelligent, but had a case MDD. I wanted to nail a career in what I loved to do, but the industry very tough, and I winded up with mediocre roles. Other times, I tried to get an in house job, but whenever I did work onsite, employers noticed I would not listen to their instructions. They also noticed I wasn't very fast at my job and my work results were always impressive. Some of them have noticed that I'd wonder or be in a world elsewhere, which made them quite upset. At one moment, an hirer noticed it 'wasn't her I was talking to,' while working alone in the studio, and picked up an imaginary friend.
At home, my mom would ask me to do her favors or remind me about a request, and I wouldn't always hear her or remember what she said. At times, I think she's a base foundation of how people will see me out there in future.
In fact, I'm going to quit MDD, because it ruins everything. If I really want to be successful—I'll have to leave it all together, scary or not.