Wild Minds Network

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anyone else feel like/imagine you're being watched???


i'm so so glad i found this forum. i identified myself as an MDer when i was in 8th grade i think, although i've been like this for most of my life (i'm 18 now). 

 maybe someone can relate to this. my daydreams usually involve me and some other person or group of people spending time together. sometimes they love me and compliment me and sort of enhance my reality; if i'm doing anything alone (which i usually am because i don't have friends i see often), it can be nice to imagine other people with you who you can laugh with and talk to. but now it's gone completely out of my control. i feel like someone is around me even when i don't want. i have no control over when they show up or what they think of me. so when i'm alone, i can't do anything embarassing or weird because i just can't shake the delusion that i'm being watched.  i don't genuinely think there
are people watching me, i just can't for the life of me stop imagining it.

many times throughout the day, i'll be unable to move for up to an hour because i'm too afraid of their judgments :(( and literally
all day, i can't do what i truly want to do. like i won't listen to the type of music i want to listen to or exercise or sing anymore because i'm afraid the people watching me would think it's lame. this is what i go through all day, every day. i'm using no exaggeration when i say it's ruining my life; i'm clinically depressed already and these people watching me just magnify the self-hatred and shame i feel.

i've scoured the internet searching for people talking about same thing, and i've found a few threads on forums and things where people talk about imagining being watched to impress someone in their head, but i don't know that it gets this serious for most people.

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Comment by bitch on March 22, 2017 at 3:28pm

follow up- Paranoia is the irrational fear that somebody, somewhere is watching you. I've had it for as long as I can remember

Comment by bitch on March 22, 2017 at 3:27pm

I'm paranoid and I think it's because of my anxiety and/or an unidentified mental illness. I constantly find myself closing all the doors and curtains and looking out to see if anyone's watching. It's completely ridiculous because I've isolated myself completely, since like a year ago

Comment by Xander on March 16, 2017 at 3:22pm

I LOVE the feeling of being watched. But unlike you, I particularly love the feeling of being watched when I am alone. I feel like (even though it's not true) I am a very special and unique person, and accordingly, my life, thoughts, and intellectual activities must be particularly interesting, and if I'm being watched by people I know, then they would think I'm really interesting, special, and deserving of their atention. Then, maybe, they'd want to be friends with me in real life. I think though, that the way you describe daydreaming about other people makes it seem that they're substituting themselves as friends. I think, that because I have such a superiority complex, that I love having people watch me when I'm alone so that they can adore me and like me, including the more weird and desperate things I do. I think we have slightly different levels of need for company and adoration, though we want both, as you say, to "enhance reality."

I've definitely been getting my ego boosted throughout life when I feel like I'm being watched, and unfortunately that makes me subconsiously believe that I'm behaving correctly and infallibly.

I think we're obviously having different reactions to the feeling of being watched, but I definitely change my behavior once I'm more cognizant that I'm imagining people watching me. Just like you don't listen to certain types of music, etc. I exaggerate my behavior or make myself seem more interesting than I actually am when I feel that I'm being watched. One thing I don't like to do when I'm imaging all of this is to look in the mirror because I don't like what I see. I don't even look at myself sometimes when I'm taking a shower or using the toilet for the same reason.

In college, I used to sit down sometimes in the library and make myself seem interesting so people would come and talk to me.

I've been watching The School of Life on YouTube to get over myself. Maybe you'll find the channel helpful too!

I also might watch the movie "The Truman Show" which has to do with someone's life being watched as a television show.

Comment by darmody on March 1, 2017 at 10:39am

I don't get the feeling of being watched, no. But I do get the feeling that I'm hearing voices. Not to the point of auditory hallucination. But dialogue often starts happening in my head unbidden, during my off-hours, so to speak. I have a procedure for intensive daydreaming, which I only do during set-aside time. But sometimes voices interrupt me the rest of the day, when I only do a regular sort of daydreaming. The sort I assume everyone does. But the voices are different, and resemble special daydreaming time.

That can be frustrating, because it will make me want to sit down and do the intensive version, but I can't.

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