60 years of daydreaming

[Carolyn]

Yes, it's true. I've been daydreaming since I was a very small child. I grew in a very chaotic and unpredictable household. Daydreaming was the only escape. I continued to do it in school, I think, because it was stressful to be there with all those other kids. There was no end to the stress, so I went even deeper when I got to Junior High. In fact, a teacher actually commented to me that I could leave the room, being physically present but absent otherwise. I had to be there so it was the only way I could protect myself. I have had various kinds of therapy since 1990 but have never spoken to any of them about this and no one has ever asked me. As I grew into an adult, I continued to daydream, finding jobs where I could be alone with my thoughts and still work. They were low paying, grunt work type jobs. I have musical and verbal talents but was told that because I wasn't attractive, that I would never be successful. In my imaginary world, my weight is normal and I'm considered attractive, even beautiful. I'm admired and respected by important people.

I never knew it was maladaptive until the other day when I was Googling about something else and I saw something about daydreaming and clicked on it. I realized that I had spent my whole life living inside my head. I'm still seeking the approval of famous people who are successful and respected.

[Carolyn]

Although I appreciate the comments, they don't quite grasp the reasons behind my behavior. I was the youngest in my family and a girl. All of the emotional garbage got dumped on me. Early on, I was aware that I didn't fit in very well and my ideas and beliefs were "out there". The only place I felt safe was inside my head. They could do and say anything they wanted to the outside of me, but I would never let them see the real me. I protected and loved her. I was the only real parent she ever had.

[Santhi]

Want to talk in detail

[Camoran]

The approval of famous and respected people will do you no good, and is also unnecessary. The only approval you need is your own. You only need to rely on the strength of others if you can't draw from your own, but I understand that one's own strength can be the most difficult to find.

[Molly Allen]

I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling with this for so long, however I think that you really hit the nail on the head when you said "  I realized i spent my whole life living inside my head. I'm still seeking approval of famous people who are successful and respected." That must be a very profound realization to come to and maybe acknowledging and mulling over that alone will help you find a way to be in the moment  to free yourself from your internal world. 

[Luce]

I'm so sad to read this :(

You may try to find some peace doing stuff instead of just imagining it.. like learning about something that you like, or singing just for fun at karaoke..

I think it's never too late for doing stuff that you like and just live the moment