Ok, I can't come up with any beautiful way to start this post :/ Neither am I sure how to entitle it.
The thing is MDD itself stopped to be a scary predator to me months ago. I regard it as a part of my mind that is pleasant but shouldn't take over. I mean like chocolate - tasty, but not to eat all the time. I will probably speak about this part in another post more.
I think that returning to reality doesn't go too bad in my case on a social level - it's pretty slow and much slower than any normal person has it - but at least I found two good irl friends (used to be a loner, social anxiety sucks), some acquaintances and reached good terms with my colleagues.
Now I strongly feel that I long for doing something real. Something that would matter and that I can be proud of. It's not that my daily routine is too bad - I just feel a bit stuck in the rut. I see many people who do stuff - some of them go into writing and share their works with others. Some people enter prestigious colleges and leave their small towns (or countries) forever. Some people help to organize charity events. It can be just anything. Just anytime I start thinking of something bigger than the usual daily activities, I end up panicking and daydreaming hard. I used to think that my social problems were the only driving force for my depression and mdd habits. Now I see that I'm anxious about other life steps as well. There are many things I'd be happy to do (and I think I may be able to do, in fact), but trying to understand what is what, I end up panicky and anxious.
So, the question is. I know here we have some people who do writing or drawing. I bet many others also have something like this in their lives. So, did you have to struggle with a similar issue and how did you overcome it? Or is someone trying to struggle with it now?