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I wonder if maybe i wasn't successful in life because I 'lived in my own world,' rather than having any perception of the real one that's out there. I always though I can achieve something...when really, I always fell on my face again.

For instance, I never won the fancy of any guy I've met. They either found me weird, 'not cool enough', not very smart or rather 'crazy.' Other times they called me a 'little girl', because I was tiny and baby-faced. Most times, they never 'understood all about me.' Often, they'd just shrugged their shoulders, turned their backs and walked away—as if they saw I wasn't f***able material. Later on, I learned that they were all 'Losers' — and preferred shallow women, who talked a-mile-a-minute and had sexy body features.

I eventually learned I was extremely beautiful, talented and intelligent, but had a case MDD. I wanted to nail a career in what I loved to do, but the industry very tough, and I winded up with mediocre roles. Other times, I tried to get an in house job, but whenever I did work onsite, employers noticed I would not listen to their instructions. They also noticed I wasn't very fast at my job and my work results were always impressive. Some of them have noticed that I'd wonder or be in a world elsewhere, which made them quite upset. At one moment, an hirer noticed it 'wasn't her I was talking to,' while working alone in the studio, and picked up an imaginary friend.

At home, my mom would ask me to do her favors or remind me about a request, and I wouldn't always hear her or remember what she said. At times, I think she's a base foundation of how people will see me out there in future.

In fact, I'm going to quit MDD, because it ruins everything. If I really want to be successful—I'll have to leave it all together, scary or not.

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Comment by Whitney on June 18, 2017 at 9:16pm

I have come to the same realization regarding my DDs and the perceptions of the "real" world I have built because of them, however, it never sunk in till I wrote it down when attempting to help another dreamer on another site.

I thought that because I experienced so many things through my DDs that I therefore knew what life, emotions, and relationships were like, what I wanted, what was important to me (meaning of life, goals), and etc. But nothing can substitute real life experiences and working towards building yourself (beliefs, values, goals, success, relationships).

I have a hard time dismissing my MDD as something completely terrible because it has given me hope for the future, eased my depression and anxiety, rocked me to sleep, and allowed me to experience so many wonderful experiences and emotions. It's kind of like being in a fitting room where you try on different outfits (sometimes the same one a million times), till you find one you like or find several you kind of like and develop your style from there.

At the same time, DDing, my lack of motivation, and work ethic, have hindered me from reaching my full potential in all of life's aspects, made me complacent, and has led me to false perceptions of the world and myself (what I want, my abilities). Because I can become a different person every time I DD with sometimes realistic or very unrealistic realities, I never had to work at solidifying my true self, what I want in life, and so on.

I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that I understand where you are coming from. As I mentioned above, nothing substitutes living! The ups and downs, the emotions and interactions, it's what life is about! I wish all of us attempting to reintroduce ourselves to this world and the land of the living the best of luck!

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