I haven't logged in for a long time. No change or actually change but for the worse. I have the most fickle point of view and feelings when it comes to my "conditions" ...

I am in my world 90 percent of my day if feels like unless I watch TV. I cannot imagine getting back out in the working world like this.

I even went to a therapist and she was like "What?" When I mentioned MDD to her. I told her it wasn't official in the books but you'd think she would have heard…

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I just went through probably a two week period of barely DDing. I'm sure this is absolutely normal for all my life I just never noticed it. Just until months ago when I found this site did I ever begin to notice the cycle or lack thereof of one that can be attached to my DDing. 

I definitely do not DD all the time. I might not even do it daily but I think sometimes I do it by habit fleetingly and so I don't even register that it happens sometimes. I DO think that I usually always DD…

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I'm on a roll with blogging today.

Perhaps, it was motivated by the experience I had today. Not only forcing myself to be social and get out and it ending up being one of those RARE positive experiences for me - but also being so off the cuff about MDD... but also perhaps, it was due to pent up frustration from having the lack of privacy at home to DD...but I was motivated to write another huge scene of my DD.

When I was into writing and calling myself a writer ...trying to…

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It just popped out of my mouth. As if I was telling her that I was a Gemini and liked long walks on the beach. I mean ...boom. "Yeah, I have Maladaptive Day Dreaming disorder." Like it was nothing. 2nd person I've ever told and I hardly know her.

I had a kid play date with another "crunchy" mom. I cloth diaper and blah blah. Kind of hippie here. Met her through a local mutual interest group on Facebook. She added me and we hit it off. So many similar interests. Both hate being…

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The last two days have been bad for DD. Right now I am annoyed. So annoyed because my kids are relentless for needing things. They are children! But I cannot stay in my DD. I am also sleep deprived because I stayed up the last two nights much much too late to be able to DD. As well mom problems like a 1 year old waking a lot due to teething.



Driving today I was realizing how I was not focusing like I should. I kept drifting off into the DD. That is dangerous. Believe me I know. I… Continue

I stalled a bit in writing. I have not abandoned it. I haven't lost hope for that. And I am not down. But a tad bit disappointed. Oddly enough my DD/Story needs a bit more ....thought. That's right. I have to put MORE thought into my DD. Something isn't it?

Plot holes abound.

Anyway, I have returned to the less manic DD's and instead I'm looping again. The same scene loops. Over and over until I fall asleep. Maybe subtle changes in dialogue or gestures. I'm so…

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I cannot believe it. This site inspired me to begin to type down my DD. I am back full swing with the DDing. After a break for a couple weeks. I did want it back. I'm lost and gloomy without it. I cannot bear to not DD. I'm nowhere in the place where I could let it go. I just cannot. I will save that for another entry.

But, I just finished chapter one. I feel good committing my DD and my characters to print somewhere. My Livejournal on "private" actually. I feel like I'm saving them…

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I have to thank everyone who commented to my last post. It was so neat to see the responses. I love this place!

So, last night was the first night since I can even remember (aside of nights when I had been drinking or something) not DDing before I fall asleep. I usually have my OCD thing. I have to go to bed and fall asleep to a particular scene that I replay and replay and replay. I am not sure how I feel about not having done it. It wasn't intentional. I just ...forgot to.…

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I really hate this part.

The burn out phase. I am burning out of the current DD for now. It comes in cycles. I won't let it go. And I don't feel like going to a standby and haven't been inspired by anything new. I usually hang on to the current DD's for at least a year or so. Sometimes a break of an old standby for a night or two. But I go right back to the current after that.

But this is when I go a few weeks sometimes with barely DDing. I will have a comfort scene I…

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To anyone's knowledge has there ever been a convention of MDD? Just imagine it...if there hasn't and there was. I really think if there was I would do my best to attend. Even if I drag my family with me.

It has been a surreal experience for me to find this site. To blog about it the way I have already. Every time I read a blog post by someone here and reply it feels out of body.

I just cannot stop repeating that I'm in my 30s. I know I say this over and over already but…

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Well, sorta.

As like with most of us MDD began as early as we can even remember. But I think in all I've read on this site by others I can come to the conclusion that many of us had a point in time when we really say the MDD "took off" ...meaning - we were no longer little children where this is "normal" and we realize that maybe there is something different about us. AND that it starts to change our life as well.

For many I have noticed it was Middle School years. It…

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Since as long as I can remember I've had an "overactive imagination." My parents would chuckle about how I talked myself to sleep my entire childhood.

I always have and only have been able to fall asleep daydreaming. The severity of it comes and goes throughout the years. I have phases and periods of time where it bleeds into my responsibilities. Causes problems. But I go through long periods of time where it isn't a problem. At least not from my perspective.

But I want to talk…

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