The deepest thoughts penetrate my mind when I’m immersed in myself, listening to notes that pluck the strings of my moods, stirring the taste buds of my mind. I think of death, Nick, and that girl when certain soft sounds reach my ears. I spin in the darkness as my mind reaches out to the untouchable place where they are. I wonder at the impossible as my emotions tangle with the music and my mind drowns in thoughts that aren’t speakable. I long for Koni Latu’s presence as I sink to the…

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Sorry it took me so long!! I've been extremely  busy, we just found out that we have to move out, so we've been moving all of our stuff out of our house. It's not a bad thing though, I've never liked this house anyway! So, finally, 7 days late, here it is, enjoy!:

 

Maladaptive Daydreaming

 

What is Maladaptive Daydreaming? A known 4% of the world has it.(10) Most people have never heard of it before, due to the fact…

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One of my friends committed suicide last year. I never posted any of my feelings about it on facebook or myspace because I hate it when people do that; I feel it's degrading to the person and disrespectful to the family. But here, not only am I anonymous, but not one other person on this website knows him. 

I felt so guilty. I was his ex-girlfriend/whatever we were, I don't recall any titles. But I never could say that I was in love with him. I loved him as a friend, but I never was…

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Okay, so here is my outline for my report on MD. I would love to have three people to interview and have their personal accounts of MD in my paper. It would all be anonymous, of course. I would truly appreciate it, and it wouldn't take too much time! :)

 

Maladaptive Daydreaming Outline

1. I.                   What is Maladaptive…

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I have to do a report on a disorder or disease in my family. I was going to do it on Depression, so that I could interview my mom, but in light of recent events, I decided I would rather not interview her. 

 

So I've decided to do a disorder that affects myself. Cordellia if you could give me some good web pages or references for the discovery and study of MD, I would be very greatful. :)

 

This will be very weird, considering I haven't told anyone but two people…

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I'm wondering if this daydreaming is negatively affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. When I can't see him, I daydream about him, or a version of him I think. Therefore, I'm satisfying my need to see him by daydreaming, so when I actually do see him, instead of being all excited because I haven't seen him in a week, I act nonchalant because I just daydreamed about him 30 minutes ago. 

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this same phenomenon. I'm sure someone has, most…

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I realize now why I need you, Daydreaming. You fill up this hole in me, that is supposed to be the real me. The truth is though, that you are only a shadow. Just a shadow of who I am. You are pulling me deeper and deeper into this thing that is so twisted and corrupt that it can ruin the life of a young girl. I guess, what I am trying to say, is that it was nice living my life with you. You protected me from so much. You satisfied the needs of an attention starved little girl, if only for a… Continue

I realize now why I don't want to stop daydreaming- it's because without MD, I'd still be an awkward person and socially inapt. The only difference is that I'd have no tangible reason  for it.  MD is something with a name that I can claim as a part of me. Without it, I would go back to being just a weird kid, for no reason at all.

 

I just want to be something. Anythinig. I have no sense of "me". I guess you could say that I'm scared of the real world, and what it would do to…

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In my daydreams, I always dream that everybody loves me. I'm the most important person in the room. Now I think I understand why:

There's this party tonight I was gonna go to. I got all dressed up and stuff...got all pretty... then I just sat down and almost started crying. Based on my past experiences with parties, I know that if I go to this party that no one, and I mean no one, will want to talk to me. I'm not a "cool" kid. I'm just a random 17 year old girl. I'm just "some girl".…

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Hypothesis: I figured this would happen.

Experiment: I was doing fine all day. I took my finals, came home and just chilled.

Data: Then, I became bored. Alas, this lead to my down fall.

Conclusion: Keep yourself constantly busy in the early stages.

*sigh* lets hope this doesnt happen again tomorrow. fml.

Sooooooo today... I'd say that I've kept myself busy pretty well. I've felt the need to daydream a couple times when I've had the chance to, but I've resisted, which is interesting for me. See, I'm pretty weak when it comes to giving into…

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I've tried this before. Once before. For two months straight, I never paced and daydreamed. I thought my problems were solved.

However, after learning more about this disease, I can see that I didn't really purge myself of it…

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