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Jessica Ballantyne
  • Female
  • Oakville
  • Canada
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Jessica Ballantyne's Discussions

Other worlds makes listening hard

Started yesterday 0 Replies

I actually feel a guilty pleasure when using this site. I haven't been listening to people a lot this summer. I'm always getting so lost in 'whatever world' goes on in my head. Many find this very…Continue

Blending in socialization

Started on Thursday 0 Replies

I haven't lived in socialization for quite a while. I currently freelance in graphic art and writing at home. Spend lots of time in my home studio working at the computer. However, I find myself so…Continue

What I never knew

Started on Wednesday 0 Replies

I always reflect on how frequently I battled with social phobia and anxiety. For the past 25 years, I grew up in a town where I never fit into any type of crowd. I just recently got diagnosed with…Continue

Pretty tough if you ask me

Started this discussion. Last reply by Alan D. on Wednesday. 1 Reply

I am slowly and gradually waking up to smell the coffee beans. After spending 18+ feeling complacent about myself and being so confident towards my future, I had no inclination about the 'real world'…Continue

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Latest Activity

Jessica Ballantyne posted a blog post

Day Dreaming Sucks

Oh man. Oh bad. I left my bicycle outside my house all night, out on the road. It didn't get stolen or anything. My parents are starting to worry about me. They think that I'm mentally out of it. Who rides on a bike all day, comes home, but forgets to store it back into the garage? It is not like an expensive car or a motorcycle—but still, it's a bicycle! It's like with everything else going on in my life. Everything gets fucked and everybody finds out—and I'm clearly the unmistakable idiot.…See More
23 hours ago
Jessica Ballantyne posted a discussion

Other worlds makes listening hard

I actually feel a guilty pleasure when using this site. I haven't been listening to people a lot this summer. I'm always getting so lost in 'whatever world' goes on in my head. Many find this very strange, so they will express this very bitterly. Lately, I am dealing a lot with my mother. Our relationship is very rocky all because of my wild imagination. Well, she knows when I'm not listening to her—wonders when if there's a day that I will. She's retired and I freelance at home—and sometimes…See More
yesterday
Jessica Ballantyne posted a discussion

Blending in socialization

I haven't lived in socialization for quite a while. I currently freelance in graphic art and writing at home. Spend lots of time in my home studio working at the computer. However, I find myself so shy to mix socially with others in society, whether its sports, bars, clubs, resorts...anything. I sort of have asperger syndrome, so when I do engage in social things, I notice that I don't really want to hang around for long. As much I wish to make more friends, everyone I meet has so little in…See More
Thursday
Jessica Ballantyne posted a discussion

What I never knew

I always reflect on how frequently I battled with social phobia and anxiety. For the past 25 years, I grew up in a town where I never fit into any type of crowd. I just recently got diagnosed with asperger syndrome by a local psychologist—and this plainly answered all challenges I faced in social situations all of my life. Dealing with AS, I struggled to verbally explain myself properly, and most times, I felt no urge to 'talk aloud' openly to people in any social situation. Many others found…See More
Wednesday
Jessica Ballantyne replied to Tom's discussion Life becoming hollow: MD's incomparable unlimitedness
"I do relate to your article. Daydreaming took away my real life that could've been better if I didn't totally delve into MD. I do find myself split in between two worlds! In the real world, people will strongly detect when my eyes look…"
Wednesday
Lisa Tomlin liked Jessica Ballantyne's blog post People think I'm weird
Wednesday
Lisa Tomlin commented on Jessica Ballantyne's blog post People think I'm weird
"I fully understand what you mean. I know people think I am strange. I worry if my MD is coming out when I am in the grocery store or the mall. I know it does not when I am at work. At the same time my MD has given me some comfort. I am totally alone…"
Wednesday
Alan D. replied to Jessica Ballantyne's discussion Pretty tough if you ask me
"I relate to a lot of what you're saying and wish you the best in "waking up to smell the coffee beans." I wouldn't get too hung up on who is "normal" and who's not, though. Underneath, we're all weirdos :-P"
Wednesday
Chab liked Jessica Ballantyne's blog post A Relationship with MDD
Jun 19
Jessica Ballantyne posted a discussion

Pretty tough if you ask me

I am slowly and gradually waking up to smell the coffee beans. After spending 18+ feeling complacent about myself and being so confident towards my future, I had no inclination about the 'real world' at such a young and inexperienced age. Day dreaming my head off in grade school, and even college, I had no realization that I was shooting myself in the foot. I wanted to be successful in a career that I liked. I wanted to be liked by somebody that badly. I wanted so many things that didn't come…See More
Jun 19
Whitney commented on Jessica Ballantyne's blog post Being Successful is Getting Real
"I have come to the same realization regarding my DDs and the perceptions of the "real" world I have built because of them, however, it never sunk in till I wrote it down when attempting to help another dreamer on another site. I thought…"
Jun 18
Whitney liked Jessica Ballantyne's blog post Being Successful is Getting Real
Jun 18
Pierce liked Jessica Ballantyne's blog post Can't read people's feelings
Jun 18
Jessica Ballantyne posted a blog post

Can't read people's feelings

It couldn't escape my head until up to now. I do have a sexy friend, she's Indian, who thinks I'm beautiful and perfect as she sees me. Yet, I can't seem to connect with just about anyone else. I have high functioning asperger syndrome, but also I have a very special mind—an imaginative mind. A mind that excessively day dreams on ongoing moments. This and AS both impairs my ability to drive—but also interact properly with other people, causing many to dislike me as a person. Let's be blunt,…See More
Jun 18
Jessica Ballantyne posted a discussion

Illusions

My mind has worked in the craziest ways. MDD sort of induced a false belief system towards life, inside of my mind. For example, MDD would say, "Oh yes, people will think you're cool no matter who you are." Also, it will say, "You'll find a boyfriend soon, because your so beautiful, sexy, talented and smart." Well, in many cases, I truly am! When in reality, most people I meet won't think so! I happen to have asperger syndrome, which effects my ability to 'talk pretty and out loud,' with such…See More
Jun 17
Jessica Ballantyne commented on SamJ's blog post Feeling lonely and confused
"To be honest, I used to fantasize about having relationships with TV Stars and movie stars in my teens and 20's. Merging into my riper 30's, I am more focused on seeking out for my soul mate, the spouse of my future. So, I spend my days…"
Jun 16

Jessica Ballantyne's Blog

Day Dreaming Sucks

Posted on June 25, 2017 at 9:00am 0 Comments

Oh man. Oh bad. I left my bicycle outside my house all night, out on the road. It didn't get stolen or anything.

My parents are starting to worry about me. They think that I'm mentally out of it. Who rides on a bike all day, comes home, but forgets to store it back into the garage? It is not like an expensive car or a motorcycle—but still, it's a bicycle!

It's like with everything else going on in my life. Everything gets fucked and everybody finds out—and I'm clearly the…

Continue

Can't read people's feelings

Posted on June 18, 2017 at 9:09am 0 Comments

It couldn't escape my head until up to now. I do have a sexy friend, she's Indian, who thinks I'm beautiful and perfect as she sees me. Yet, I can't seem to connect with just about anyone else. I have high functioning asperger syndrome, but also I have a very special mind—an imaginative mind. A mind that excessively day dreams on ongoing moments.



This and AS both impairs my ability to drive—but also interact properly with other people, causing many to dislike me as a…

Continue

Being Successful is Getting Real

Posted on June 16, 2017 at 10:40am 1 Comment

I wonder if maybe i wasn't successful in life because I 'lived in my own world,' rather than having any perception of the real one that's out there. I always though I can achieve something...when really, I always fell on my face again.

For instance, I never won the fancy of any guy I've met. They either found me weird, 'not cool enough', not very smart or rather 'crazy.' Other times they called me a 'little girl', because I was tiny and baby-faced. Most times, they never 'understood…

Continue

People think I'm weird

Posted on June 14, 2017 at 3:45pm 1 Comment

It is really hard to get people to like me. It's always been that way too! It hurts when so many people get ugly and condescending on you. You're just like, "What did I do, really?" Then you realize, they don't think your NORMAL. They find something very weird and off-center about you. Maybe they get "pissed" when you just stand around  appearing all awkward, stupid, 'all shut up,' but also a million miles away. They probably wonder, "Where'd she go? Why are her eyes dazed? Is that…

Continue

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