Where wild minds come to rest
It beats me as to why I decided to start MDD. I can only guess, I wanted to escape my reality, because my suburban life was not exciting enough and the young kids in my school didn't appear interesting to me. Or I could have been more interested in my environment and my school peers if I had the courage to learn a lot more about them. I was a truly odd and eccentric child. A very shy and silent one at that. My peers couldn't tell if I was smart. They noticed I was socially cold and withdrawn from their hangouts. So they bullied me on a lot of occasions. I think they were just trying to get my attention the hard way.
As I got older, about 12, I started maladaptive day dreaming. I was either unimpressed or unsatisfied
with how my life looked. I wanted adventure, fire works and moments of great fun and laughter.
Sitting around in a stale and bland looking classroom with fluorescent lighting that made your skin look yellow, surrounded by kids who looked like dirty punks, nerds, rebels and geeks is the last thing I had in mind. While doing classwork and watching grey haired 50-something teachers lecture on math, science and french, my mind often went out the window. Everything from TV stars, rock musicians and movie plots began to occupy my head. At times, I was enamored by my favorite actors and developed stories where I had fun relationships with them, so I began laugh out loud and hysterically....in front of all my peers and teachers! My peers had no idea what was going on in my head, so they began to tease a lot
and intimidate me with sarcastic questions. Maladaptive day dreaming made me very silent And I mean extremely silent! So, I couldn't win a date with anybody in high school. In fact, everyone in my high school laughed, snickered and gossiped about me....because they were all perfectly aware that 'I didn't
talk and I had no friends.'
My grades began to decline, because all I wanted to do was day dream. By grade 12, I failed to make it into York University, but got accepted into OCAD University, a school of arts and design. I explored in a couple of programs, but decided I wanted to be a graphic designer. After graduating, I tried so hard to get job offers from design firms, governmental agencies, art galleries, banks, hospitals and companies that needed their websites updated...this went on for seven years. I attended hundreds of interviews, and have gotten jobs, but kept on getting terminated for poor communication skills and performance difficulties. So, I ended up freelancing at my home office.
Now I have to pursue another career....because I screwed up on my life by maladaptive daydreaming.