Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Has MDD ever clouded anybody's perception from the real outside world? Growing up with MDD, I noticed a lot of my peers wanted to manipulate, bully, embarrass, gossip about me, blame me and other nasty things. Of course, they were all a bunch of jerks and were still immature. However, I could never put my finger on how they saw me, while I was all mentally ignorant and up in a cloud. Leaving high school for good, I felt like my life was finally free from all this decay.

However, when I entered the real world, things still got off hand. I wanted to study the arts at University, but to get through school, I had to work in several odd jobs. Of course, I dealt with assholes in my part-time jobs who loathed my 'quiet & dead-pan personality.' I came off as stupid, weird and unfriendly, so they often picked on me, even in front of customers, who loved it—and they'd all laugh together in my face. Customers often reported things about me behind my back, in a back stabbing way, and I often came down to see the managers, who weren't any nicer.

I thought that Art & Design College would be a sanctuary away from the troubled world I faced having dealt with Maladaptive Daydreaming. Fine art in freshman year wasn't so bad—it was fun, creative and open—I painted and drew anything that flourished my imagination.

However, second year was different, I transferred from the Fine Art Program into the Design Stream to ensure I learn practical skills and make money. Design teachers were stricter about perfecting a project to success and making sure deadlines were met. I was often the weakest target in the class, so they put lots of their attention on me, but sounded very hoarse if my projects were late and half-assed.

My relationships with other College peers started to get critical too. A Persian student was so very angry at me, because a girl and I cut our group meetup to an end, thinking she wasn't going to show up, so I sped off to an art supply store to buy some pigments, but I was sort of day dreaming too. On my way back to our school cafe, she found me and she gave me shit! Also, her husband came over to see her during last bit of it!

Another time, I went on a Road Trip to New York, which I wasn't even ready for! The city was large
and I was surrounded by perfect strangers! I hung out with a female illustrator and photographer who disagreed with me and constantly 'picked a bone' with me, on my first day there. She saw I was so nervous and wondered why I even came along. She got all sharp tongued and critical by throwing so many prickly comments and questions. Then at a cafe, she noticed my mental absence when I didn't listen to a word she said...errr...and I was day dreaming—so she snapped. Later, at our NY Hostel, we happened to share the same bunk bed (long story). Was on top, listening to hard rock on my iPod, when my thoughts started getting edgy, so I scribbled crazy drawings in my sketch book. Anyway, she called my name, and I took off my ear phones. **Her name was Nara**. She told me, I said the words, "He's right!" staring up at me from her lower bunk. "Who's right?" she replied in a softer tone, seemed a tad surprised, but curious. "My dad," I replied, feeling suddenly homesick. "OKeeee!" She replied with a tight smile, and then went back to sleep.

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