Where wild minds come to rest
So, this is the third post I've made so far in short succession. But I really need somebody to talk to. Right now, I'm feeling very lonely, very depressed, no appetite, no energy. I keep lulling into my personal MD, and watching podcasts and livestreams to fill the void.
Let's help each other.
Let me be your, ah, idk, "discount psychiatrist"
Tell me the pain in your heart.
I've been introspecting. For a while, I've believed that I am a schizoid--that's the reclusive personality disorder where you have no interest in socializing. But now I think I am not. That I do need people. I'm just very private and introverted, or I've been conditioned into this, because of the way my childhood progressed and the way I've been living. Because for the last couple of years, (except for that one few day period, if you read my last posts, like what I'm going through) I've been pretty happy actually--or so I thought. But you need some social interaction, and I guess something in my subconscious something has been brewing. And these periods like right now are my subconscious desires snapping, surfacing.
I realized something--I've been very disconnected from external reality. I live by myself; my mom goes to work all day. If it wasn't for the internet, I might've realized this sooner. No school for quite a while, although I've always hated high school/ college is pleasant but I don't know anybody. No job. Only seeing one friend, my only friend, on an infrequent basis. Not a whole lot of memorable events have happened.
I've been going onto multiple forums, trying to seek somebody--it's a sudden urge. Perhaps that's why my MDing is getting intense. My brain can't handle it anymore, and I've been blind and arrogant to it, content.
But then I realized... I don't really know how to approach people. I don't how to initiate conversations. I think part of the reason why (and also why I think I'm a schizoid) is that I don't know how to gain an interest in someone's interests. My interests are narrow and esoteric. I guess I've been selfish. I don't know what questions to ask to figure them out. I need to learn somehow. I need to talk, even when I'm not in the mood I think. Go and actually do things or something.
Does anyone have any tips? I've been thinking of just going on Omegle and just, idk, practing I guess.
Maybe getting a job would help, put me with people most likely my age? Give me structure, because perhaps I'm one of those people that need structure determined for them.Do you think, with these psychological problems, or will it be a stressor, which I totally don't need.
Are online forums a good substitute for face-to-face socializing. At least for now?
Perhaps I just need to dive down into my MD in order to get through this.