Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

This probably will be written unorganized and with tons of grammar errors but if I put off writing this it will never get done. I'm more than likely going to be less descriptive than I could be for the sake of getting the point across without being lost in the writing of minor details.

I'd say to a certain degree I've had MDD my entire life. As long as I can remember I have had a very mystical and fantasy inclined personality with an infatuation with lust and romance. I've always been aware and understanding of reality like normal people are but thought in terms of creativity and forever getting carried away with exciting and dramatic scenarios in my mind that I found stimulating.

As a little kid I had imaginary friends in the same way any other kids do; Characters that they know aren't real (probably based offen a movie or a person they like) but interact with in the outside world as if they were real. I had more than one imaginary friend but the first one that comes to mind is the Cheetah Girls from the Disney Channel movies. I don't remember specifics but I know that the three of them were like my girlfriends I'd imagine in the real world who were comforting and accepting towards me.

The most notable character I made up though is "Super Kitty" as it's one of the first names my mother brings up when were talking about my childhood imaginary friends. I made up super kitty when I was no older than 6 out of a fasination with the sexy black leather body suit I saw Halle Berry wear as cat woman on TV. A sexier, older version of me was cat woman or "Super Kitty" in the leather costume adorned with cat ears and my school crush was an older, sexier version of himself as "Bat Man". Unlike my other imaginary friends, Super Kitty wasn't a stand out character that interacted with me in reality but was more like a part of a movie that existed in my mind. I remember sitting on a stool facing a wall in my kitchen as I listened to a handheld radio thinking about some dramatic sequence with "Super Kitty" and "Bat Man". There was another time where I was walking the mile long path on the playground with a few friends during recess and imagining an exciting thought Super Kitty related made me break out into a sprint for a few seconds. I came to realize later on that "Super Kitty" was my first MDD "episode". My well known imaginary friend wasn't an imaginary friend at all. Since I was so young I didn't know better than to not draw pictures of my characters and talk about my internal fantasies openly so my teachers and family didn't see the difference.

As I got older I grew out of Super Kitty and a few years later when I was 9 or 10 I became heavily obsessed with Star Wars. My aunt gave us the original trilogy on cassette tapes and when I decided to watch them I was smitten. I had a crush on Luke Skywalker, I'd have lightsaber duels with my neighbourhood friend outside using plastic candy cane Christmas decorations, and every friend, family member, and pet in my life was named after a Star Wars character that I thought suited them the best (I was Luke, my mom was Obi Wan, our dog was Chewbacca etc..) I got the rest of the saga and my family started decking me out in merchandise. I dont think I wasn't really into the movies and plots themselves but more into my infatuation with Luke and the romance in the movies because my pubescent hormones and romantic personality needed something to dwell on. It was around this time that I remember being in class and thinking about what my dream man would be like; blonde hair, blue/green eyes, maturity, intelligence but not dull. Even though I wasnt intentionally building a world in that moment I was cutting out the framework for the central character that would be the focus of all of my thoughts and the driving force behind my dreams for years to come.

I was twirling around mindlessly dazed in front of the pink radio in my bedroom that was playing a Britney Spears CD. As I let my mind drift off until it created a picture of a better looking me and Luke having two children and being together with our children and his family: Leah, Anakin, Padame. This is the first memory I have of the "episode" that would evolve with me and change my life for the next 6 years.


I know this is poorly written but I became more tired and distracted as I started writing the last couple paragraphs. Hopefully it gives good background information for what I'll write next.

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Thanks for sharing. It's always good to hear another daydreamer's story

Update: As of now I am doing much better and have been doing better over the course of this year. Not to say that I'm 100% focused and planted in the moment, but I don't really have a big daydreaming thing anymore. I'm still in my own head and think up scenarios but it's mainly passive and I only really get into something that makes me react by choice when I'm bored or get stressed out over something that I chose to think about.

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