Where wild minds come to rest
A few weeks ago my MD mysteriously vanished - I don't even crave it. I don't even recognize that I need to do it and life is peaceful and kind of boring. I clean my house more often and I am on time for appointments; I study without effort or distraction. I kind of miss MD because of the possibilities that it used to present but I know now that its not real and will never happen in reality. So its like a loss if I am honest. Instead of DD, I browse the internet more and I am not as interested in music as I used to be. I am now painfully aware of all the years ,I've wasted and now fighting like hell to cover some ground. All those missed opportunities etc etc. It does depress the hell out of me but hey, better late than never. I react to my DD subjects in a detached manner and when I do try to daydream- the intensity just isn't there and I don't feel the need to keep going. I am just faced with life in its terrifying emptiness . But I asked for this - I wished to be released from MDD for almost 2 decades so I got my wish. To be honest ,right before my MDD vanished - I cried out to God with all my soul and said if this is my fate -give me the strength to bear it and the next day I woke up ,I just could not DD for the life of me. I was shocked to say the least and adopted a wait and see attitude. MDD does give you added dimensions- I was definitely more creative - I painted , I wrote stories , was like and encyclopaedia on music and took chances /risks. Now I have mellowed by 40% which is a lot. I see through things and no longer do I get carried away by what could happen like my life is a Danielle Steele novel. I face reality head on .
My MD disappeared very quickly as well. I am so boring now. I was able to blend my two lives very well. Guess I was a lucky one. It did make me feel exciting and since I felt empowered in my world, I carried it over to my uninteresting life. It worked for me for soooo long. Then it just stopped.
I miss it so much!!! I wish for you the best!