Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

PREAMBLE: If you are asexual, I would love to hear your thoughts below. If you have a normal sex life and don't think your sexuality and MD have anything to do with each other, that would be reassuring to some extent. If you currently don't know or understand what asexuality is, this isn't the place to get into it, but go read up on it here if you're curious.

Is anyone here asexual? I ask because I am, and I sometimes wonder if my asexuality would have developed at all were it not for my MD, or if MD is hiding the fact that I'm not actually asexual from myself. In other words, I wonder if they mutually reinforce each other.

My MD developed when I was about 14, so roughly around the time when people start to become interested in kissing or whatever. I'm now 27, still a virgin, uninterested in sex, and worried that this may not be a "natural" case of asexuality, but rather, a direct result of MD. Maybe all that time spent focusing on imaginary crap at that specific time deprived me of essential early sexual explorations, experiences and realizations. Maybe I missed the sexual development boat, and that's it -- I'll be stuck on the shore forever, staring mesmerized at random shapes in the sand.

 

Alternatively, maybe I have just been subconsciously afraid of sex all along, and MD is just my mind going overboard trying to distract me from that problem and protect me from what it thinks is a terrifying threat. I mean, you could easily see how in this case, MD might be straight-up psychological defense mechanism rather than its own separate thing.

So, yeah. I don't know. I should probably seek counselling, but I'm really embarrassed to bring up not one, but TWO super rare and awkward problems at the same time. And to be honest, the thing I fear most is them confirming my suspicions, because I can't even begin to imagine how difficult/hopeless it would be to try to disentangle and treat both conditions at the same time. Ugh. So much easier to let them both rule my life indefinitely!

Thank you for reading this long, bitter, and overly specific post. If you have any insight into this issue, please answer here or message me. 

Sincerely,

Dizzy R

(long-time lurker, first-time poster)

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I'm exactly like you. Word by word.

Roel said:

It might be no help but... I'll share it anyway. Sorry if I bother you with this.

I'm not asexual, I am anti-sexual.
The difference:
...

Realy?! haha I'm so happy I'm not the only freak struggling with this XD so glad I'm not alone :D


Givera Givera said:

I'm exactly like you. Word by word.

Hey, sorry if you already wrote it somewhere in your posts, but can you describe me in detail the ideology or causes behind why you see sex the way you do, if you are aware of them?

Like for example I really don't know all of the exact causes but I think maybe one of them is the fact that I, and basically everyone else here, have suffered and have been deprived of many things because my country is overpopulated and no one wants to do anything about it. And that seemingly every girl around me has completely become what the movies and the barbies told them to be.

I feel that way, not just about sex but about romance and love and all the other stuff. But my DD's don't seem to care.

Roel said:

Realy?! haha I'm so happy I'm not the only freak struggling with this XD so glad I'm not alone :D


Givera Givera said:

I'm exactly like you. Word by word.

There is no single reason, but rather a lot of tiny reasons. It's mostly because of myself though.

The biggest reason why I am like this, I THINK, is because my sexuality is in conflict with my selfimage. I want to be myself, but I don't see myself as sexual. I do things I don't want to do because of it, and I hate that. I realy don't care about sex, but than why is it always keeping me awake? Why am I suffering from it? I also have always looked down uppon "simple men" but I feel like I am one of the biggest pervs myself. It hurts me, makes me insecure.

It also disturbs love. I consider myself to be very emotional, and I hate to hear others talking about relationships etc. as if it's all about sex. Why?! Love can be so beautiful (though it can be very painfull as well) and all people seem to care about is that filth. People are not supposed to fall in love because of their looks. I fall for inner beauty, but everyone I seem to meet only cares about the appaerance of the people they date. It frustrates me. How can something so beautifull dissapear in something so hideous?
And like you say it, people even try to aim for it! They dress to look sexy, instead of showing their rich personality. Why?! Why would they do that! Have they no self-respect?! Don't they want to find someone who likes them because of who they are, instead of how big their breasts are, or how much mussles they have?! Worst of all, is that I fall for that crap. My eyes always wander off to "pretty" girls, and that makes me hate myself.

Also I hate how my own dreams take advantage of my emotions, how I dream of emotional and romatic stuff and get lured into "wet dreams" without noticing it at first because I'm clouded by loneliness.

I also need selfcontrol. I just want to not be a pervert, but somehow I always keep disapointing myself.

And than there is the media, that keeps shoving sexual themes into our face as a technique to catch customers/audiences. They keep reminding me of my struggles. I get no break from it.
People talk about it like it's normal (It is actually normal, but I struggle with it and that's why I feel hurt if I hear people talk about it.), people even say stupid statements such as: "everyone watches porn" and you're weird if you don't do that. It should be the other way around in my head :/

Deep inside I am a loving and peaceful person that knows who he is and can handle himself, I know that! But somehow I keep being someone else because of my sexuality and that is what hurts me the most.
If you understand that :/

There's more that that, but these are the biggest causes, the rest are little things that wouldn't be bad if they were the only causes, but everything together with what I just told just becomes worse...

In what country do you live? I'm from Belgium, they are very open there about sex. Not as open as in other countries, but still open enough to annoy me XD


Givera Givera said:

Hey, sorry if you already wrote it somewhere in your posts, but can you describe me in detail the ideology or causes behind why you see sex the way you do, if you are aware of them?

 

Once again, word by word, I am exactly like you.

A big politician was caught watching p**n on his phone in public. There was a column in the major newspaper next day where the writer defended him and wrote "Anyone who has access to it, watches it". And It seems like even infidelity is getting more common and talked about in a way as if it's not a big deal. Everyone believes love, sex, power, fame, money are things you cannot possibly be happy without. It seems like a lot of people are pressured into wasting their time in those things regardless of what they originally wanted. "If you don't have a girl, you are pathetic or loser or whatever". Peer pressure has always had the opposite effect on me.

Adding to all that I also have this thing. I cannot call it a phobia but it is very much like it. If a thing has any potential of becoming an addiction, I try my hardest to never do or even think of doing it. And also how most of the movies abandon valuable time that should be used for the plot and instead penetrate it with unfitting romance always made me see it in a negative way xD.

And of course, as you said, there are lots of other reasons behind it.



Roel said:

There is no single...

No one has a girl, but they do say it like that. As if you need to have a car, a house, a... and a girl. It annoys me a bit XD But they realy shouldn't judge people for "not having a gf/bf"!  Judging someone because he/she struggles with love, that's seriously mean and disrespectful.

Haha, what you say about peer pressure, it's entirely the same for me. If I see everyone do something for no apparant reason besides "everyone does it." I don't do it. I even do little things to show that I'm not a sheep. For example I almost always wear brown, that's stupid, but I do it because no one else does that. And I like brown, I find it a beautiful colour fro some reason :p haha that might just be me.

Wouldn't call it a phobia in my case but I do understand that, and I keep the hell away from sigarets drugs an alcohol (I never dink). I already have this one filthy addiction, best not to add another one to the list. I'm probably very vulnurable to addictions if I already struggle with this one...

Never understood romance in movies either. Even a movie that is supposed to be only about love, is not romantic. Because you can not fall in love in little less than two hours, that is just not how it goes. It takes weeks-months, and in my case- years. A book gets a bit closer to it, but again, too short.

Though I think there is nothing wrong with romance. i would do everything to experience it. It's just that my gender screw it up :/ This sound weird, but it seems awesome to me to be asexual and being able to fall in love without the sex :3



Givera Givera said:

Once again, word by word, I am exactly like you.

etc.

I'v been experiencing waking dream states all the way back to itty-bitty hood. Some have a life of their own and some I control and or script. I'v had all kinds of immersive daydreams from an early age, including sexual. Pretty much anything and everything form the super freaky to the boringly mundane. 

My "real life" sexual behavior tends to be one end of the spectrum or the other and not much in between. By that I mean either a pseudo asexuality or sever hyper sexuality. 

While some peoples asexuality may be related to an underlying condition or problem I don't think that of all or even most, any more than being gay is. 

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