Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

My mind has worked in the craziest ways. MDD sort of induced a false belief system towards life, inside of my mind. For example, MDD would say, "Oh yes, people will think you're cool no matter who you are." Also, it will say, "You'll find a boyfriend soon, because your so beautiful, sexy, talented and smart."
Well, in many cases, I truly am!

When in reality, most people I meet won't think so! I happen to have asperger syndrome, which effects my ability to 'talk pretty and out loud,' with such confidence and grace. So I tend to pause, stutter or make small talk, which is so tedious for big talkers. They wonder if I'm always this quiet and assume I have no social life because of it. Worst yet, they usually analyze that I must be stupid. Sometimes, they'll compare me to other people who are very talkative. This has been going on since I was 6 years old—I am 31 years old and it happens to this very day.

Basically, Yes, people will only be attracted to how well you verbally express your self—and definitely, they will be dissuaded by your distant gazes and stone-like appearance. Trust me, I've even tried expressing myself to others in my past, and they still had criticisms to make. For instance, they found I sounded so obvious, they disliked my accent, I rambled too much or I seemed so sheltered.

MDD also convinced me that I'd be very successful in a certain job—when really, I usually got layed off because I didn't grow in the job well and turned out unconvincing to the team.

Having a bike in the hot basking Saturday morning sun, I thought to myself, "What an idiot!"
MDD is a realm of fantasy that comforts you and makes you believe that you can achieve anything.
When really, life is actually pretty damn hard! It's not just a matter of reaching your goals—you must have excellent people skills and be able to face the harsh cold challenges out there. You DO have to be very impressive to people and work extremely harder than you naturally can with great enthusiasm and will power to get ahead.

If you just sit around staring into space and day dream the hours away, all people will notice is that your dazed, out of it and not listening to them!

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