Where wild minds come to rest
I think that my MDD originated...well, to escape a life that was emotional hard to live through. I mean,
growing up in the world, I had too much trouble protecting myself from getting bullied and tormented for being "socially awkward." Many people were very mean to me for the exact same reasons. I was extremely quiet and really scared of them. I had asperger syndrome, which is probably why I never spoke too much and had trouble making eye contact. I spent years and years in a periphery doing my very own things, but scarcely ever socializing and getting out with people. My chances to develop relationships with people were extremely thin, and I've never connected well with guys, so I've never had boyfriends. In fact, I get really annoyed when people ask me if I'm married and have kids, especially at job interviews. Being single and alone makes me feel in vain. In fact, people just look at me and can tell my social life is "tiny" or even close to nothing. They can see how "alone" I am, when they notice how extremely quiet my demeanor is.
Some of them get frustrated and really set off, so they start getting all critical on me...maybe even start getting mean.
I spent the past year at home freelancing as a designer and writer, so I have had several months of solitude. However, I feel as if I've shut myself away from socialization for so long that I've almost forgotten how it's like..."what it is." All I am mentally aware of is the "world of me" aside from my computer and my work station. So, I kind of exchange my seperation from society with my excessive day dreams. They are usually inspired by movies I've recently seen, such as "Aliens" and "The First Knight."
Right now, I am waiting for that significant person to enter my life and reach out to me, and try to perceive in what I have to say, how I feel about everything...and so on. I feel as if I'm trapped in a life where nobody notices, cares or gives a damn what I'm going through...that I feel isolated and all alone.
I was this extremely quiet shy girl and i hated that
i think all of us MDD patients are like this and its normal but what is not okay is to continue spending our lives in isolation.
i fixed myself and made myself proud for the girl who i am today. im no longer the shy girl that i hated
its not hard trust me, all you need is to take a step and try to talk to people
make friendships with strangers
keep telling yourself DO I WANT TO DIE ALONE? DO I WANT TO DIE AND NO ONE COME TO MY FUNERAL? of course not. we all want to affect and be affected by people
as both of us female, im sure you want to have kids and daughters so they take care of you as you grow old.
wake up and step out of your isolation. i did that, you can do too!
I am so glad your telling me this. Because my whole world is falling apart on me right now. And your right, nobody would have shown up to my funeral if I hadn't done something. And Yes, I probably wouldn't have started a family. I would have been damned.
don't do that to yourself. always remember "you can't change your life if you didn't do something for the first time".
your significant other won't come if you didn't force yourself to step out of the house and have conversations with people.
my dad wasn't abusive but he was extremely strict and it was just the way i am.. i feared him and was so shy to the point where i couldnt make eye contact with him when i talk i always looked down
and when i spoke my voice raised up because i was nervous..
for the past 4 years i had a drastic change in my character, because i really wanted to have a better life. i stopped loathing the way my parents raised me and focused on (me changing myself) because im not responsible for my childhood but im responsible for my presence and future.
I would practice my verbal connections with guys i meet online and talk to them on the phone or strangers on the streets so even when i messed up (since my verbal connection was shit) that's fine no embarrassment they dont know me.
always remember your imaginary world aren't going to take care of you when your old or sick. get to know someone and never tell anyone about your MDD and imaginary life because all people would think we're crazy and run for their life
Yes, I am listening. I see your point. This is exactly what I am changing. I am urging myself to meet new people everyday, starting with gymnasium sports, and I won't give up.