Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

I've been lurking here for a while but I've finally worked up the courage to post.

I'm nearly 50 years old and I've been a MD'er from a very, very young age (my guess is it started around 4-5 years old - from what I can remember). I have never been without a "story-line" in my head that exists parallel to my real life (except for a very brief period of a few months once). It's almost always been based on celebrities that I adapt and mold into my "characters" and I'm in a relationship with them. Lately it's become more and more painful knowing my stories can never be real.

My entire life I thought this "thing" I did was unique to me. A few years ago I started to search online to see if I could find any info on it and it was a huge surprise and relief when I discovered MD. To know I wasn't alone and wasn't some kind of freak of nature was such a comfort. I have never ever told another living soul that I do this - well until now I guess and this is hugely scary to me as I'm so terrified someone I know may somehow find out.

Anyway, I would really love to hear from other people that have been an MD'er for a very long time as I have (maybe those age 30 and above). I think younger people (and I am so grateful for this because I think it's the reason MD is now more out in the open) have a much easier time sharing personal things and being open and not feeling ashamed of it.

My specific questions for the MD "old-timers":

How old are you now?
When did you start?
Did you used to think you were the only one that did this?
Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?
Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time?
Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get?
(in my case it seems to be making me more and more unhappy the older I get)

Thanks everyone - so grateful for everyone here that shares so openly!

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To answer your questions:

1). 35.

2). Before I can remember, so probably 3 or younger.

3). I knew everyone daydreams to a certain extent, obviously, and I assumed based on representations in books, tv/movies, etc., that some people do it more intensely than others. But I never knew anyone did it quite the way I do. (For details see my post on this site titled "playing with strings.") I still don't, for that matter.

4). I don't have kids, never married, and not a lot of long-term relationships. I can't blame that on daydreaming, necessarily, though I used to be afraid of having to quit in the event of moving in with someone. 

5). I have stopped for stretches, and didn't miss it as much as I'd have expected.

6). I don't know. 

I discovered this site a few months ago and I'm so happy to know that I am not the only one who does this.  I didn't know what was wrong with me.

How old are you now? I am 57 years old, female.

Trigger in my childhood / Did you have a horrible childhood?  started MDing around 10 years old.  I was repeatedly sexually abused from age 10 to 12, and I started MDing as a way to deal with the abuse.

Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)? Yes.  I got married to a wonderful man who understood me but didn't know about my MDing because I didn't realize what was happening to me.  He died 12 years ago and I don't think I ever grieved because I used MDing to massage the pain.  I have 2 great kids who are both in their 20s and have started to worry about me because I am now unemployed and in a lot of debt but can't seem to find work and sit through an interview without MDing.  I have a hard time concentrating and focusing on anything. 

Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time? I can't remember a time when I wasn't MDing.  In happy times or sad times, I resort to MDing.

Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get?  As I get older my MDing is getting worse.  I spend all day MDing until I get a headache and have to stop for a while and watch TV.  Then I start right back.  I have a lot more characters now and I need MD to get to sleep.

HOPE:

I am going to try Neurofeedback to see if it works.

All these waist of life, intelligence and happiness. This is so sad, I think.

kim

Hello Candee, I too am 50 and I obsessively daydream.  In my case it was something that started as a child and intensified in the teenage years until I thought it was driving me crazy.  I didn't have an unhappy childhood, but it was a lonely one. 

In my late teens and early twenties I made a determined effort to stop - helped by having real boyfriends and going away to Uni.  By the time I was 30 and my kids were born it had gone.  I am still happily married and I have 3 kids.  I've failed career-wise, which I put partly down to the daydreaming because I made a mess of school.  

Now I'm 50 and its back, even more so than my teenage years.  I think its partly due to the menopause, partly because of stress in my life - I'm going through a lot of change at the moment.  My job is rubbish and deadly dull which doesn't help and I feel I've failed in that respect.  My kids have grown up and left home which maybe has something to do with it too.  I just feel life is boring and flat in comparison to the fantasy world.  I'm lucky insofar as I can cover it up, I don't tell anyone, people don't know that I only give them half my attention.  Its all I can think all the day, I crave being alone just so I can daydream more, and it sucks up all my time - I don't read much now or do other more productive activities.  Even when I talk to someone I am daydreaming.

The bizarre thing is (and I can see the humour in this) - is its the same daydream I had when I was 14.  So it is the same romantic fantasy based around a `70s TV show.  Now my 50 year old brain knows very well the TV show is corny and dated and the hero is now in his 70s and in a wheelchair.  So why do I do it?  I don't know.  The MD makes me unhappy when my 50 year old sensible brain is telling me how stupid and unbelievable it all is, but then again I have woven a sort of alternate reality so I can put the real world to one side and the 14 year old takes over.  Maybe it is good for dealing with stress, I'm not sure. 

The trouble is last time round the future was on my side - new opportunities were opening up, now I'm 50 I feel they're closing down.  I still love my husband as much as ever though.  Sometimes I think I'm privileged insofar as I can entertain myself without needing any external prompts - its all there inside my head.  Other times I think its going nowhere.

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