Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

I've been lurking here for a while but I've finally worked up the courage to post.

I'm nearly 50 years old and I've been a MD'er from a very, very young age (my guess is it started around 4-5 years old - from what I can remember). I have never been without a "story-line" in my head that exists parallel to my real life (except for a very brief period of a few months once). It's almost always been based on celebrities that I adapt and mold into my "characters" and I'm in a relationship with them. Lately it's become more and more painful knowing my stories can never be real.

My entire life I thought this "thing" I did was unique to me. A few years ago I started to search online to see if I could find any info on it and it was a huge surprise and relief when I discovered MD. To know I wasn't alone and wasn't some kind of freak of nature was such a comfort. I have never ever told another living soul that I do this - well until now I guess and this is hugely scary to me as I'm so terrified someone I know may somehow find out.

Anyway, I would really love to hear from other people that have been an MD'er for a very long time as I have (maybe those age 30 and above). I think younger people (and I am so grateful for this because I think it's the reason MD is now more out in the open) have a much easier time sharing personal things and being open and not feeling ashamed of it.

My specific questions for the MD "old-timers":

How old are you now?
When did you start?
Did you used to think you were the only one that did this?
Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?
Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time?
Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get?
(in my case it seems to be making me more and more unhappy the older I get)

Thanks everyone - so grateful for everyone here that shares so openly!

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Hi!  I'm so glad that you decided to post and tell your story.  I just posted for the first time this morning, and I already feel better by doing so.  Hopefully you can find some comfort and less scared of posting. I think it's a great first step! :)  To answer your questions:

- How old are you now? 36

- When did you start?  The first time I remember doing it was when I was 12, but I may have done it before then. It feels like I've always done it at this point!

- Did you used to think you were the only one that did this? Absolutely! I had no idea what this was that I did or why I did it, but I always felt so alone and too ashamed to tell anyone. Like you, I didn't know it had a name until I started searching for things I did on Google, and info on MD came up. And like you, I felt so relieved to know that I wasn't alone!

- Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?  No. I've never had any relationship, and I don't have kids. I always thought that it was because I was unattractive or that there was just something wrong with me. But looking back now, I realize that a big part of the problem is that I never put myself out there...I stayed incredibly closed off (as my friend would say, I looked unapproachable). And a big part of that is because I had already created the perfect man for me in my head, and no real man could compare to that.

- Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time?  I hope so! The longest I was able to stop was for about a month just a few weeks ago.  Then I relapsed into it...but I'm hoping that today is starting a new stopping point. :)

- Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get?  Much less happy!!  As you said, the older I get the more aware I am that the things I'm daydreaming about aren't real. And that the romantic relationship in my head is not what I want because it will never be a real person. 

Hi ! I am 45 and I have been MD Since i was 8 years old. It was a safe please for me when while I lived with an abusive mother.. Unfortunately, I marriage a husband who was more emotionally and mentally abusive. At this point in life I did not think I would survive with MD. My MD has helped me to cope with some very painful experiences. I am seeing a therapist and I pray she can help me. In my dream I reunite with a long lost love who is kind to me and I am often disappointed when I realize that he is not here. As well as the fact that he may never be the man of my dreams. I have been praying for this dreams would go away

Hello, 

I'm 47 years old and I started MD'ing when I was about 5 years old, although I didn't know what it was or that this happened to other people until just a few years ago when I discovered this group. 

I am married (have been for 14 years) and have two children. My husband knows that I have MD, but I didn't tell him about it until about two years ago. Because my husband keeps odd hours with work and is a BIG snorer, we sleep in seperate rooms, so I am able to easily get in my MD time at night after everyone has gone to bed, or in the mornings when I'm alone. I am also convinced my eldest daughter has MD.

As for ever having been through a period of time without my MD...yes, twice. Once I was put on anti-depressants and found myself unable to daydream. It nearly drove me mad and was one of the big reasons I stop the meds (along with medical side effects I couldn't handle). The second time was when I had a major surgery last year - the MD went away for a few months while I went through recovery. Whether it was the pain meds or just having so much other stuff to deal with...I don't know why it stopped, but I was happy when it came back. I'm one of the few individuals it seems that doesn't want my MD to stop. I can manage it well enough...an hour or two at night, and again in the mornings. There have also been times when I've daydreamed a lot more, almost constant, but those times passed and I always return to my 2-3 hour/day habit. 

Honestly, I don't know if I'm happier or saddier with my MD the older I get. Sometimes I pause and think I'm too old for this, but I don't want it to stop. I'm very attached to my characters and have had them for years - it would be hard to imagine my days without them. As long as its under control and no one is getting hurt by it, I'm comfortable with it. I have been for therapy (just over a year ago) and my therapist said the same thing. 

OMG - I could have written your post myself exactly the way you wrote !!!!!  This is exactly what I have been going through as well practically my entire life and how I feel!!!!!!!!!!

How old are you now?

46

When did you start?

4 or 5 years old I believe


Did you used to think you were the only one that did this?

Absolutely


Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?

No


Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time?

I haven't ever been able to stop - I don't know if I could but I would like to have control over it since I d not feel that I do.


Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get?
(in my case it seems to be making me more and more unhappy the older I get)

More unhappy. Like you, I get more and more upset that my fantasy life will not ever match my real life. I think the reason I am more upset about it now is b/c when I was younger, it seemed possible that I could make my fantasy life become a reality - and, I am actively still trying to do - however, the older I get, the more I feel like I am running out of time and I won't make it.

I have become an actress and filmmaker but it is no where near my fantasy life.

Thanks everyone for the replies! I cannot stress how grateful I am for this website. It's just such a comfort knowing other people are going through this and have such very similar experiences as me - especially after thinking I was all alone for so long.

It makes me think there has to be some underlying brain thing going on or some kind of genetic thing - so many people are experiencing such remarkable similar things and it typically begins so young. I, for one, know I didn't consciously begin doing this as a child - it was something that seemed to be almost always there - like it just started on it's own. And the whole thing with "falling in love" with characters and feeling like real life could never measure up to our made up worlds and using celebrities as characters. Wow. I hope someday someone can figure this whole thing out!

My guess is there are many, many more people, young and "older" (like me, ha) that do this but are keeping it a secret.

Please continue to add to this discussion!

How old are you now/When did you start? I'm 38 & have been DDing since I was about 5 yrs old.
Did you think you were the only one? Yes up until I found this community several years ago.
Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship alongside MDD? I have dated while having an active DD scenario, but I find that reality makes the DDing less frequent.
Do you think you'll stop/have you ever stopped? I honestly don't want to stop DDing. I find that I can manage to attend to daily life while still DDing. While I was in grad school I had to curb the frequency of DDing in order to study etc. I ended up using DDing as a reward. For example: If I write 5 pages of this paper I'm free to DD until whenever.
Has your MDD made you less/more happy the older you get? It depends on my current life circumstances & my general mood overall honestly. It is tough when there's a major life event like a wedding or reunion & it seems like everyone else is leading amazing lives. I lead an enriching life too...but it's all in my head. At times that can bum me out but by & large I enjoy DDing.

Hello

I'm Nanc.

How old are you now? 49 yrs old


When did you start? I think it started around 5 or 6


Did you used to think you were the only one that did this? On yes. My mother would boasts on how quiet and still I would be in the presence of adults or other children. I didn't engage with other kids so much because I was MD-ing. When my mother took me to her friends homes, she'd socialize for hours. I 'd have a book in my hand and start MD-ing.


Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)? Yes. Because I was unhappy in the relationship, which was very abusive.


Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time? I'm able to stop for a period of time like a few weeks. But, then I relapse. I don't think I'll be able to stop.  I'm working with a therapist now. But, I don't think it will stop.Sometimes MD helps me get through the difficult things in life...like spring cleaning my apartment or driving alone to an event.


Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get? It has made me sadder as I get older. I feel like the years are slipping away along with my dreams. I keep holding on to this "idea" that the love of my life will come. Of course, in reality, I only met this man once over 20 plus years ago. He's probably married. Or dead.

His personality's completing made up in my mind. It's disappointing. I do not want to be alone, yet I'm not dating or putting myself out there to date. But, with MD-ing I'm dating. Sounds crazy???

Hello!

I'm 30.

I started at about five, I'm not sure, I was really young. My first daydream was incredibly simple. I imagined that the doorbell rang and that there were friends visiting me, and I was proud of it.

I thought I was the only one too... When I was teenager I used to think that it happened to me just because I was waiting for those things I imagined to happend (like having  a boyfriend). Than I realised it was not stopping as I was growing adult.

Luckily I've been able to have a real relationship in my life and I am married. I still daydream.

I don't think it's going to stop. But I notice that when I am more satisfied with my life, I do things which give me sense of achievement, I daydream less and it's less pervasive. 

I was really worry and sad and feeling guilty about my mdd untill I found out about Eli Somer, this place, and all this people. Now I can accept it more as I can understand where it come from. I realized it's an adaptation of my mind to say to me that I want something better for my life. So, I just need to improve my life, also by accepting myself without judging me and keeping me out of stressful situations as more as I can.

Thanks again everyone who's responded. 

Odilia - I think you made a really important point saying, "But I notice that when I am more satisfied with my life, I do things which give me sense of achievement, I daydream less and it's less pervasive."

Yes! The less satisfied I am with my life at the time, the more and more I MD for sure. I have also been able to marry and I have a child. However, the more my marriage has deteriorated over the years (not due to my MD actually) and with my child growing up and moving on, the more and more I find myself dreaming. AND the less satisfying the dreams are AND the more unhappy I get. It's like a vicious circle! 

Hi, Cann, I´m glad to read your post and I fee so identified with you and  your experience. I´ll answer your questions:

1) How old are you now? I´m 42 years old.

2) When did you start? I started at 5 o 6 years old.

3) Did you used to think you were the only one that did this? Yes!!! Until I started searching in google and found that was I going through had a name, anf found this community, I thought I was the only one. It was a relief finding other people like and the my problem had a name.

4) Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)? Well, now I´m in a relationship but I don´t have children and I´ll never have. I´m not satisfied with my relationship since I am in love with my fictional character, who, like yours, is a celebrity adapted by me to my owns tastes and desires.

5) I can´t stop but I want desperatly to stop, that´s why I started a therapy.

6) Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get? This makes more sadder and sadder as I grow older. MD had ruined my life, seeing all my life, my youth, thrown away to garbage makes terribly sad. And realizing that my MD life and my MD lover aren´t real breaks my heart.

Thank you, Cann, for your post, it´s very soothing hearing about other people who is more or less my age and going through the same experiences as me.

How old are you now? 51
When did you start? 4-5
Did you used to think you were the only one that did this? yes
Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?Not sure what you mean. I am married and I have one grown son. They were never part of my daydreaming.
Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time? I'm still doing it as much as I did when I was younger.
Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get? Probably less happy cause I know none of my daydreams will happen in real life.

Hello, Lisa. I´m 42 years old and I daydream since I was 5 or 6 years, I can´t remember exactly. I´m so glad to met other adult people who are suffering from this condition as much as me and whom I identify with.

Lisa Hancock said:

How old are you now? 51
When did you start? 4-5
Did you used to think you were the only one that did this? yes
Have you been able to have a marriage/relationship and/or kids in real life (along side your MD)?Not sure what you mean. I am married and I have one grown son. They were never part of my daydreaming.
Do you think you'll ever stop / have you ever been able to stop for a period of time? I'm still doing it as much as I did when I was younger.
Has your MD made you less or more happy (or sadder) the older you get? Probably less happy cause I know none of my daydreams will happen in real life.

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