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DD compensated for frustrating search for a real relationship

At age 31, I've always wanted a real relationship with a guy. I have a case of a nearly non-verbal Autism, well I can talk plentifully at times, just not very much. This ruined everything for me to ever have a dating life. Any real man I ever knew was either a snob, a jerk or a loser. So I was so very disappointed that I decided to make up imaginary relationships in my head, based on characters from movies, TV or books, and even a real guy I once had a crush on at work. My imaginary relationships always turned me on and felt so zesty and romantic. Whereas, my realistic encounters with people always felt flat out dull and rather plain. I never felt a strong connection with most people I've ever met, so I never knew what to think or how to feel when I was around them.

However, if I have a crush on a favorite character in a TV show or Movie, they just make my heart flutter and lift me off my feet with passion. I start creating imaginary relationships in my head that involve  them, in spite, I don't know the actors in real life. Lately, I have had a crush on Victor Garber, after seeing him in Legally Blonde and Titanic. I started fantasizing up a fictional relationship with him, only to find out later, he actually goes for the other side! Still to this very day, I attend lots of social gatherings to find a real one who attracts me and connects with me very well.

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Garber was also in Alias alongside Jennifer Garner, and of course i remember seeing him in Titantic. Alias is the sort of show many MDD'ers can appreciate: it's about a woman who's a double agent, who then discovers her father is a secret agent as well. There was some romantic intrigue in the show, but it's been such a long time since i saw it. I don't remember what happens. I didn't know Victor Garber was gay, tho. I had no idea.   

I never saw Alias, but that's interesting. I watched Shogun a couple times, though 1980, and it's sort of romantic besides just swash buckle. Richard Chamberlain was in it, but I had a crush on John Rhys Davies. However, whenever I saw it, I was so hooked into the story that it strongly took over my frame of mind and filled my head with a big sensation. However, it was also a total distraction on my part. I remembered being trained at a sign shop and my head was just booming with Shogun's theme music. Five weeks later I got terminated for not listening and absorbing people's words. Another time, I went to Las Vegas with my Aunt to attend my cousin's wedding, and I was thinking of Shogun wherever I went, so my Aunt found it very strange that I never spoke a word and told me off in a mall. Next day, we were coming on an elevator after swimming in a hotel pool, but my eyes casted down to the elevator buttons. Next thing I saw was my Aunt's face practically pressed into mine with her eyes meeting my eyes. Then she fluttered her fingers up towards the ceiling. Ouch.

I have done this for years, I was very shy when I was younger and didn't build relationships very well with boys. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 21 and we were together for 5 years, for the first 2 years I rarely daydreamed and if I did it was about the future with him. When things were going wrong and near the end of our relationship I immersed myself in daydreams even cancelling dates so I could be with my daydream boyfriend.

I've dated other guys since and its ended really badly and that's when I fall back into my daydreams.

I am the same as you I use celebrities and have an on going relationship in my head at the moment. I feel butterflies whenever I think of this person and listen to happy music.

I know I should be getting out and meeting a real person, but it does scare me to get hurt again. Being in a happy relationship is the only thing I really daydream about the only things that change is the person I'm daydreaming about and the setting.

You sound better than me in relationships. I found it extremely hard to connect with guys. Although, I've have kissed and made out with guys in my 20's, not that I ever had a serious relationship or one that lasted a long time. Yes, I do use these celebrity crushes to free me from my harsh realities involving actual people.

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