Coping

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I used to cope with my loneliness by doing MD—but it strikes me, if I hadn't started MD and learned to socialize like people do, even if it means watching them, I probably would've been a happier person today. Becoming a young adult I was so excited towards life and forming relationships with people, so my maladaptive daydreams induced my mind to feel happy towards something I wanted to fulfill. There is a twist to this. MD was not helping me, it was doing the contrary. It was pulling me away from what I wanted to achieve, not only this, it made me extremely quiet and far-off looking on the outside, drawing unwelcome attention that I didn't need. I made people infuriated to be around me and not want to be my friend. They thought I had a big problem, wondered if I was smart and if I could talk. Above all, they wondered where my head was. People would interact and carry a conversation, but I would keep quiet and think deep thoughts, even be somewhere else. Looking all deaf and mute to them, and taking a trip to mars. It prevented me from looking like a very likeable and attractive person who can bond with people. 

[NatashaK]

"Becoming a young adult I was so excited towards life and forming relationships with people" I can relate to this so much!! I feel like I have lost all the hope about life and relationships and almost feel doomed to only live that inside my head. I don't really understand how human relationships work, because the only ones I have are inside my head with made-up people. I really hope joining this forum will help me get better and start living life. 

A hug in the distance! At least we're not as alone in this as sometimes we might think :)

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I thought life was going to be great. I was studying the arts, but it wasn't practical, then I took up a challenging practice that didn't work out. I remember serving at a fast food place to get myself through school, but felt that people were making remarks towards my mental health, and how I just wouldn't interact with them, and say some words now and then. I was inside my head a lot, making up stories in my head. Some of them caught the fact I was in another world at moments. Even a customer! I eventually didn't succeed as a designer, have to rethink my career. I wasn't ever successful in finding friends and forming relationships either. I look back at my early 20's as a server, realized I was full of myself, but I also needed help. 

[SA]

I hear you. I also started my adolescence in a private school with the aim of being the cool kid. It was that kind of a school. In doing so, I became a huge people pleaser who tried to take selfies, change his hairstyle to fit it. That couldn’t be possible as I came from a conservative background. So only 1-2 peers of mine truly accepted me. For the rest of them, I was just lame. This led to me closing off and MD taking over as I stopped expressing myself. If I’d just been mature enough to realise that socialising doesn’t have to be fitting in a 100% or giving up on your authentic self, I wouldn’t have shut myself off and MD hadn’t taken over.

Now, at 22, I’m someone who doesn’t know who he is. The only emotions I feel are in my daydreams. If I were to snap out them, there is numbness and a poker face. It’s maddening.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

To be honest, I'm 37, and I don't know who I am. And I think that's awful. I have snapped out of MD, but noticed that I have absolutely nothing. I realize it's because I wasn't paying attention to my life. I was so busy daydreaming my head off all those years that I missed out. Funny enough, it's effected my physical health as well. The emotions I feel in my daydreams are more powerful that my reality. When I see reality, I just don't appreciate what I'm looking at and prefer my fantasies. 

[SA]

You say you’ve snapped out of it. Do you mean that you’ve totally stopped daydreaming or realised that it’s a coping mechanism?
I personally have realised that MD is trying to suppress my real self(Whatever it is) but still get triggered into short bursts of daydreaming. It’s very discouraging as I feel I’ve gotta restart all over.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I realized that MD is a coping mechanism, but I couldn't have totally stopped. We all think MD assures things will get happier, they don't. I do regret starting MD, it had a twisted ending. What I mean is it lead me to a deplorable conclusion that was so very real. This made me feel sad towards my life. MD pulled me away from making it look better. I realize that I have to start over, even thought it's going to suck for a while. I wish that I told my parents in advance, before MD grew on me. Now I look back at 25 years that might've looked spectacular if I hadn't fucking daydreamed.